November 2001 - Sinister

Sinister: torra fy ngwallt yn hir
by chris perriman 06 Nov '01

06 Nov '01

crunching through leaves where i crunched through snow, it only seems like a few months ago but the snow is on its way back [from russia? who knows]. it is a while since i have walked back from phil's place, the half-hour walk usually punctuated by primal scream, new order, belle & sebastian, spiritualized, super furry animals on my minidisc player. today i am accompanied home by at the drive-in; sacrifice on railroad tracks, freight freight train coming freight freight train coming. i can scream at the top of my voice in the park, if the inclination took me, tonight i shuffle past the drunks pissing in bushes. they would only make comments if i screamed at them so i dont, my army parka collar pulled round my headfones round my ears. i smell of woodsmoke. our bonfire burned quickly but brightly. the one next door, in the carpark, burned long but with matresses and wardrobes, how uncouth, we had a christmas tree on ours, where the hell *that* came from i'll never know. phill [whose house we were at] has just been laid off. with only two months to go until his apprenticeship is finished. he's fighting them all the way. until then he joins me on the pile of unemployed. at least he has four years of training as an engineer behind him. i carnt even get a christmas job. sorry if i'm depressing anybody but that's just the mood i'm in last night i listened to the sigur ros album again. i lay on my bed face down 'till it was dark. i watched the sodium lamp outside my window flick on and then change from a deep red to the orange glow we all know and love. the clouds changed from huge stratospheric to thin straggling horizontal. like great expectations, but the only uprights in the scene were telegraph poles, not jibbets. i watched the magpies that have nested in my street. i've named them belle and sebastian. how twee. except there were three of them, is one the chick? a bit too late in the year; i'll name the newcomer judy. the wind is heading out to sea. i only live a few hundred metres away so the fog often rolls up my street and you can smell the salt in the air. not tonight. the smell of black powder hangs heavy. last night it felt late at six o'clock, now it feels early at 12. at least i know what day it is. i must leave you, you don't need to read this drivel. but who else can i talk to? please take care in all that you do and of those around you Pez* _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: falling is fun
by Danny Farrell 05 Nov '01

05 Nov '01

hello my wee lovelies, I started this message by pasting most of Dimitra's post but then i realised that my contribution was limited pretty much to "yes","that's right" and "i agree totally" so i decided i couldn't do that. I still want to talk about love and list crushes though so whatever can i do? Well we've had a lot of mixed reviews and a rather biased view on list-crushes and we have had the lovely lindsey baker be disillusioned and other lovely people be bitter and sad: "Lindsey you must not think like this", the same goes for anyone else who is bitter or sad or disullisioned,except change the Lindsey bit. Yes everyone can get very badly burned by love but the only reason it hurts so much is because having it is so beautiful and dare i say yummy. If love wasn't transcendentally beautiful then people hurt in love would just shrug their shoulders and walk away much in the same way as someone who has just lost 50 pence, the reason it hurts so much when love fails is because it's so beautiful. We should never give up on anything that is beautiful I read the wonderfully nice JohnJohn's masterplan and how it didn't work and that made me think about my friend-girl again. I remember sitting in my room hatching a masterplan to woo her over, i decided on a poem rather than a wee cute sweetie because i knew she liked poetry. I sat writing it for days and it turns out it was actually pretty good although im sure that it'll never ever get into any romantic poetry compilations but it was good and just the ticket to win over any young girls heart. Anyway i sat down next to her in the library one day as i always did, she was a friend back then before she became my friend-girl, and as the bell rang for the next class i handed her it and ran out and into my next class knowing i wouldn't have to see her for a whole day. Anyway the poem actually did work but in the end she brutally crushed my heart as she decided to get back with her ex boyfriend. This was actually a recurring theme with me and my friend-girl. Anyway after the first time my friend-girl broke my heart i vowed to give up on love and i did for a while until my friend-girl decided she wanted me again then broke my heart again and then i gave up on love again. But now im happy and like like really happy so the point is you can't give up on love no matter how many times your heart gets broken. Life is not a big test,you don't get a big medal at the end of, so while we're here we should try and be happy and for that while you may not need love, you should never ever become bitter and try and hide from love or dismiss it or give up. Something will come along,it did for me and im useless,not useless just used less. Than other people who are used more. hmmmmm. I think i'll defend list-crushes by talking about the magic of love. I think it was James Gilmer who said it was the little things that matter and that love isn't fireworks and thunder and i think he's nearly right. I remember a lovely madeliene post a while ago talk about how love was mundane,well thats not quite right but it was similar, and it is to an extent but it is magic too and life is not a film so it can't all be a big epic love story but there are times when love is magical and these times are what make love yummy, transcendental special instead of just special. The magic of love is easily transferable to list-crushes speaking on the phone to your crush and then having to run away for ten minutes to try and stop your grin reaching your ears so you don't need to explain to your friends how someone so far away can make you so happy. It's being so happy chatting to them that you can't stop glowing sitting at a computer and then maybe even getting up and dancing and then getting soup feet. Its sitting in a country park with your friends at 3a.m with B&S playing on a wee ghetto blaster with a flask of hot chocolate looking up at a beautiful purple sky. Wondering whether your crush is looking at the same sky and then receiving a lovely message from them that makes your heart skip a beat and causes your friends to enquire what's wrong and why you've went all dreamy. This is the magic of love, the fairy-tale moments, whatever you would like to call them and you don't need physical contact for these just your loved one inside you,in your soul. I have more but i've said enough already Love, Hugs and Magic Danny xxx _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: I can't bare to see Guy Fawkes dummies burning. Throw a Hitler effigy onto the fire.
by lucyebrown 05 Nov '01

05 Nov '01

Penny for the Adolf? I pity Guy Fawkes and honour his attempt to get rid of the then right wing government. He was merely a Catholic who wanted to be tolerated by the monarchy and government. (I know that conspiring to kill people isn't very kind...but we all have our faults). Hehe. Can't remember why I started this post now. Ooh - marvel at the artwork!! ("`-''-/").___..--''"`-._ `6_ 6 ) `-. ( ).`-.__.`) (_Y_.)' ._ ) `._ `. ``-..-' _..`--'_..-_/ /--'_.' ,' (il),-'' (li),' ((!.-' Lucy xxxx www.go.to/periwinkle +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: eXtreme elvis
by Kyla Schuller 05 Nov '01

05 Nov '01

*WARNING. EXTREMELY UN-TWEE CONTENT. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NO APPRECIATION FOR RAUNCHY PERFORMANCE ART.* currently in the metropolis of san francisco, california, there exists a young fat man who likes to perform as elvis. at his first show he took a dump on stage and threw it at the audience. he was not invited back to the venue, and the bay area's favorite new performance artist was born. six months or so later, eXtreme elvis has a following and a philosophy. he's even a bit heavy-handed. one doesn't expect to be preached to by a naked fat elvis impersonator with a penchant for publicly consuming his own piss. but one would be wrong. on saturday eXtreme elvis performed a show. a headliner for at least 4 months, his supporting act was, in the words of my friend, "one long anecdote for art school students. and it's the same anecdote-- i saw a naked handicapped man." their "set" consisted of one screechy aural assault that lasted an interminable 55 minutes. the band was composed of at least 10 members in various states of undress, fronted by a naked man in a wheelchair. all in all, profoundly pretentious and uninteresting. but sinister readers might be interested to know that their keyboardist was a mod. while the naked middle -aged female singers groped the naked frontman, while tits swung and cock was stroked, the young mod keyboardist carried on as if he was playing with a kraftwerk cover band. ah, the prescribed disaffection of hipsterdom. then, at about midnight, came mr. eXtreme. upon entering the stage, he immediately pulled down his pants and pissed in a pint glass. the contents were consumed by his keyboardist. after making out with a guitarist, he tore off all his clothes and began grabbing audience members. my face did not escape his grasp. topically, he was not performing elvis songs this night. instead, he sang a nice song about not being afraid of the terrorists, about not being afraid to drive on our bridges, and about getting over fear. its chorus was "reality," and it was a nice enough song. he passed out joints. soon he was rolling his naked body all over the club floor. people poured their beers over him, so he became absolutely filthy. he writhed around on the ground, his huge naked body covered in wet grime, grabbing the legs, ankles and crotches of onlookers. people ran. i hugged the wall, inches from his grasp. suddenly a naked woman crouched over him. with his microphone-less hand he reached up and pulled out her tampon. while singing "reality" he insterted the device in his own anal crevice. people screamed. he tried to stand up. after a few mis-tries, and a rousing finale of drums, sax and guitar riff, he stumbled out of the club, where he slowly dressed himself out on the firescape in the cold frisco night. and i drove home, back over the doomed bridge, thinking that seeing a man shove a used tampon up his own bunghole was the most effective anti-war protest i've seen yet. these are strange days, and sometimes comfort must come from the most unexpected places. god help us all. --kyla __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Find a job, post your resume. http://careers.yahoo.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: is it sad that lemonade is the only happy thing in my life?
by s.arnot＠talk21.com 05 Nov '01

05 Nov '01

hiya peeps, my mind has been in a very curious place of late. i can't describe it. the world seems to consist entirely of numbness, although with some underlying annoyance, like a small, sharp pebble in your shoe. only not like that at all. i have been brought out of this strange, strange place by a few things in this last week, but the memory of those things does not seem to help me. the first was a girl. i have seen her for three consecutive weeks now, in the camel club in huddersfield, and for three weeks we have made prolonged eye contact and danced to the same songs, sometimes confident enough to dance next to each other, sometimes not. my friends think it is hilarious. we have not spoken. i have a feeling that the reason i have not spoken to her, it that deep down, i feel that this might ruin something. i don't know what. i would quite like to just sit next to her, and hold her hand. without saying a word. the second thing to remove me from my little world was lemonade. upon waking on sunday morning, i needed a drink of something, and so reached for the half-empty bottle of tesco value lemonade on the desk by my bed. upon drinking it, and in a rare moment of clarity, it suddenly struck me quite how strange the sensation of drinking fizzy juice is. finally, i went to see mogwai last night. during their set, i was completely entranced, and had no need for stupid feelings and thoughts, just for standing still and quiet, eyes closed and letting everything flow through me. i hoped this morning , that when i woke i would be able to recreate this by listening to mogwai through my headphones and lying still on my bed, but those hopes were in vain. i am having to concentrate on the excitement of the mix tape competition to try to gain some feeling, reading the comments of my fellow rachels brings a smile to my face, a smile which will turn to one of satisfaction at the rachels triumph in weeks to come. this post has been quite cathartic, and i thank you for listening. i think i think too much, but also not enough. piddlemonkey/ rachel griddlemonkey lo-fi songs are GRATE -------------------- talk21 your FREE portable and private address on the net at http://www.talk21.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: Industrial metal is just not polite
by JENOWL22＠aol.com 05 Nov '01

05 Nov '01

Hewwo, Guess where I was last night? I'll give you a clue. It was a concert, but not by a band I like. Fear Factory at the Glasgow Barrowlands. Gasp. See, what happened was my friend really likes them but didn't have anyone to go with so I agreed. This was before finding out the dress code and finding out that we had to show up hours early to try and catch a glimpse of the band. So I duly trotted along, but I was banned from wearing anything I usually do, so it was leather and corset and eyeliner for me, because we were going to blag our way backstage before the gig and cords and a duffle coat apparently do not lend credibility to this. Getting backstage was very easy. "Hi we're with Road Runner Records" (subliminal message "Hi, we've both got cleavage look") and we were past the bouncers and into the dressing room. I met three people from the band and failed to be impressed because I don't like them. But they were sweet. Well, one was a bit quiet and in a mood, and the lead singer Burton didn't talk much, but the guitarist Dino was swell. He played guitar a bit and asked if i played and I said yes so he said "do you know this" and played something heavy, and I said "no, but I know some Smiths stuff". And this became the legendary episode of me teaching Dino from Fear Factory how to play Bigmouth Strikes Again and some of String Bean Jean. But he was sweet, he signed stuff I didn't really want, and gave me his plectrum. Jaz took pictures so I can show them to all the trendies and say this is me teaching Dino a Smiths song" and destroy their world. The gig itself was utterly terrible because it was heavby metal. The supports were squeaky kiddie punk, and each song began with stuff like "this is a song about politicians", or "this one's for all the mother fucking rebels here". I got out of the mosh pit before Fear Factory came on because I want to live, and escaped with only bruises, a kick to the temple, what my friends all insist is a black eye, which hurts like hell, oh and some random boy tried to bite my chest and possibly is now impotent. Hopefully. And on a non-heavy metal note, Johnjohn is such a sweetheart and he deserves the perfect girl and no one less. Oh, and if there are any complete geeks in glasgow, near the Belgrove Hotel where all the crazy drunk homeless men stand outside and spew, theres a place called Chu's Cuisine. So ken, you've been found out. You sell kebabs to alcholics. Also I hope everyone had a swell Halloween/Samhain/ New Year. I went to see fireworks at a fairground on saturday. We had sparklers and I had a big long warm purple coat on and I bought a purple glo thing and pretended I was a space angel. Mixing super advanced technology with space magic to fight baddies and rescue puppies and kittens and orphans. And tinks stole my friends purse. Obviously if I'd had my purple glo thing at the time I could have just used superpowers to get it back and aprehend the villains. But I never. Maybe next time. Hugs, Jen Ps. I have lost faith in the postal service. I'd boycott it, but I kind of need it. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: emerging from lurkerdom..
by bethan macleod 05 Nov '01

05 Nov '01

hello to everybody in sinister-land, so, here it is. my first ever post. This is a bit like that awkward moment when you walk up to a group of people who are already deep in conversation and try to think of something to say so you can join in. I just wanted to tell you all how much i've loved reading your posts over the last few months. I work at a university, doing routine administration in a peaceful, but dull office. Sinister posts are like little beams of sunshine breaking up the monotony. Yesterday was really cold, but bright and clear. I went on a massive bike ride all the way to the Thames. The light was just perfect for taking pictures. I've got this big old camera that I sort of inherited from the next door neighbours. It's really nice but you have to set all the settings manually, which i'm not particulaly good at. I'm impressed with Will's idea of a pictorial autobiography. I don't really have anything that adventurous in mind. I mostly just try to take photos of normal things in a way that makes them look kind of special. I love surrealism too though, Will. Wouldn't it be fantastic to smoke loads of opium in the name of art? It has taken me pretty much all day to read the weekend's posts (I had to do a little bit of work in between though, otherwise they may stop paying me). I liked Tom's names for his local cows. It's ages since i've been to the countryside. I also need to ask Stu - what is korfball? Or am i missing something? Still haven't heard the new single, but i must say i do like the gaudy, yet still lovable sleeve. well, bye for now then, beth _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: Ka-BOOM!
by Madeleine McNeil 05 Nov '01

05 Nov '01

Coo, aren't fireworks brilliant? I went to the display in the park on Saturday and was late, as usual, and got to the park gates just as the countdown began (as usual), so had to run as fast as I could into the park to get a good vantage point, as usual. It was grand. So noisy that it made my head spin and so beautiful that my eyes all filled with tears and I thought "My life is so so perfect right now". Then I put my arm around the loved one and she told me off and started scanning the crowd for homophobic brats that she teaches at the big school on the hill. After the fireworks I went out drinking with a posse (I've never had a posse before, and they weren't really mine anyway, I just borrowed them off my friend Sexy Susan). The night was tremendous, notable for many things, the best being my "sexycool" dancing with the loved one to Northern Soul, which resulted in us headbutting each other so hard I still have a little sore spot on my forehead. However, on Sunday I had the worst hangover I've had in many many years. After lying in bed for several hours, a castaway on hangover island, I decided to get dressed and go to the loved one's house in seach of sympathy. I stood up (doing well), looked down at myself, realised I couldn't leave the house in the hideous purple nightdress and red trousers that I had slept in and turned to face the wardrobe. I was instantly baffled. I looked at my jeans. "How do they work?" I thought to myself "How do I operate them?" Everything I looked at seems just impossible to operate, all the lifting of one leg into trousers, then the other, the zips and buttons and shiny fasteners. In the end, I settled for jogging trousers, a zip up top, and then, on a whim, a black hat that used to be my grandma's. It was the best I could do. I call it "Confused Tramp Chic" and guarantee it will be in Vogue within the year. Once at the loved one's, I lay down and tugged at her sleeve and whimpered like a sad puppy (also dribbled like a sad puppy too, I fear) until she sent me home. Oddly, it was one of my best days in ages. Self pity is quite marvellous, I think. Yesterday we went to the pub to see the fireworks but we had missed them. I was very disappointed. When I read "7 pm" on the poster advertising the display, I assumed it meant "Arrive at about 7.30 pm, have a drink with your mates, have a little chat, then when you're ready at say.... 9 o'clock? we'll set off the fireworks". Sometimes being laid back is such a disadvantage. I have just read Genevieve's post about her dream. Normally, I find other people's dreams a little difficult to follow and get enthusiasm for, but her's was tremendous. I love the idea of a "bizarre wolly-mammoth-cow-like illegal fighting game" and would happily climb a mountain of ice in shorts to get to see one. I have the date of the new B&S single in my diary (other things to do that day include HAND IN ESSAY in big red urgent writing and GO TO WORK in small black pessimistic writing) and am very much looking forward to it. I think they played the song when I went to see them in Birmingham and I recall being awful impressed, even though I can't remember anything about it at all now. I have decided to stop being so nice about people in my posts as it only makes them vain, like Big Stu Gardiner. Instead I shall end by saying I am indifferent to all of you. Madeleine _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: letters to noone
by Vanessa Roseline Siegl 05 Nov '01

05 Nov '01

I have been pondering for the past week at least whether I should finally write a post again or not. Sometimes I feel so unable to express anything ... and most things have already been said. Same as most significant melodies have already been written and most of what we are listening to today is just a variation of what has been there before most sentences have been spoken and every story has been told in a similar way before. The differences are only subtle. So sometimes I feel like resorting to total silence. Because it normally speaks louder than words and is open to all interpretations. I originally (re)joined this list because I lost touch with two people (for the most parts we are still speaking but it isn't the same and sometimes I think it would make little difference if we would just stop doing so .. and I cannot help resenting them. And sometimes I cannot help letting this slip.) I in particular enjoyed writing to because writing to them made me feel like I was different for a while and liked describing things and sharing my thoughts... Sadly I seemed to get less and less appreciated after a while (or maybe I just started to get on their nerves; people have their own lives and I suppose my insecurities are my problem and not anyone else's and I cannot blame anyone and I won't.) but I still needed someone to write those things to and some place where I got a reaction so putting them into my journal alone wasn't enough. I thrive on reaction because I need to feel welcome ... There are others I am writing to and others I speak to and people I have spoken to for ages .... but I have become guarded. I wish human relationships would work the same way as my ZoneAlarm firewall does. "Will you allow application X to connect to the Internet? yes no always remember this answer" "Will you allow this person to connect with your heart? yes no automatically block this person now and forever" And posting to a list is different... it's not the same as writing to someONE at the other end of the line you can actually picture reading and enjoying it.... So I never really wrote much to .. here. I have been sad lately. I have been sad all summer. Sometimes I feel like I have been sad all my life. I am not sure if it is the aftermath of getting robbed or whether I would have been like this anyway... I remember that night... I remember sitting in a club and putting two fingers in my ears in protest against Teenage Dirtbag* ... I remember cramping my style a bit later by dancing to Placebo* And I remember feeling like leaving because being there made nothing better or right .. I wanted to see people and light but I got thrown back onto myself... so I walked back home... And I had been walking through that park 100s of time... and only two days before I was joking that if something would happen it'd probably be drug addicts and I could talk to them ... and yeah, I could. I could talk to them. But that didn't stop me from breaking down afterwards. And I wonder if 2 minutes of feeling helpless have changed me ... or if I would have changed anyway and I only got dunked in a little faster by all this. I will be going away a bit later; probably next week. I think it will do me good. I need to learn to breath freely again. This is also the last post from this account as it will be terminated in a couple of weeks. *disclaimer: this is not meant to offend anyone. Just the way I felt that night. -- sometimes I'm right. sometimes you're wrong. http://www.clodia.f2s.com/ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: weee *giggles*
by Richard Kim Jones 05 Nov '01

05 Nov '01

Hallo sinister boyz and gals.. well i am really bored so i thought i would share my bordom with you.. *be's bored* *that was it* sorry anyhows hope we are all really excited for tonight just please be care ful and stay safe *hugs* luv rich xxx im not living im just killing time +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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