what a strange mixture of happiness and sadness my life is at the moment. (don't worry, i'll force some b&s content in later to make up for that start.) it was my birthday last saturday - this was a good thing because i got attention and presents and we picnicked in a park with a jazz band playing. (isn't frisbee great? but why do we only play it in summer? i think frisbee in the snow would be gorgeous.) but it was also a bad thing because i am now 21 and have no excuse to behave immaturely any more, i guess. plus my b'friend is still 19, so i feel like mrs robinson. it is summer, which is a lovely thing, full of strawberries and long long sunny evenings with friends, and wimbledon. but summer also means the end of my university career, saying goodbye to most of of my closest friends (including my b'friend who has gone to france), returning to the arse end of east sussex, and exam results (which i get on tuesday.) cue the Real World, where as yet i have no role, ie. no job. and less than no money. so i have words to say about depression music, too. i went to a party on wednesday where someone started playing How Soon Is Now, which nearly finished me off completely. at that moment i wanted to hear madonna, abba, even steps, anything in fact with a beat and minimal emotional content. i thought i was of the school which shunned catharsis/wallowing, basically. however, at times recently, in the privacy of my own room, i have had an inexplicable urge for The Boy Done Wrong Again, for BlackEyed Dog, for I Wish I Never Saw the Sunshine, etc. For Leonard Cohen and The Smiths. And I played the The Sky Is Too High by Graham Coxon the other day, which is one of those bleak, pared down albums guaranteed to sharpen your depression to a fine point. i think, on reflection, that while we might need cheery music in public, just to survive, there is definitely a need to open up to emotions in private. listening to sad music (oh, i forgot to mention Elgar's cello concerto and bach's cello suite no. 1) is like lancing a boil. unpleasant but necessary. plus, it can really help to imagine that someone else has been as miserable as you are. actually, i find listening to b&s comforting in a different way to either happy or sad music. it's a mixture of familiarity, of that caressing tone in stuart murdoch's voice, and just of the feeling of *rightness* you get from hearing such perfectly created songs. okay, ramble over. i intended to be pretty, witty, sparkling and brief, cos people might love me then, but never mind. watching friends playing in the dirt, archelita xxx PS: lesley jo, you are a *. :) and i'd just like to say now, although you have been ominously silent on the subject, that i for one do not support sarah's outrageous anti-isobel stance AT ALL. PPS: york uni's student planner/calendar thing has an ad for Tigermilk on it. life can't be all bad. PPPS: on the other hand, i can't ****ing go to either the london or the brighton meet-ups this weekend, because although i have nothing to do and would LOVE to head south for a bit, i have, as previously mentioned, no money. PPPPS: but on the third hand, neil and oon just made me laugh like a tit. PPPPPS: someone buy me a train ticket and i'll shut up. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Rachel Playforth do something pretty while you can don't be afraid rap101@york.ac.uk skating a pirouette on ice is cool http://members.tripod.com/~RPlayforth/welcome.htm -------------------------------------------------------------------- +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+