i just don't know if i'm right or if i'm wrong, but as i sit here in the early momements of morning, still half-drunk on cheap wine, head spinning, i have an intense desire to know the answer to that question. I leave for san francisco (for 3 months) in a week. I desperately want to see all the beautiful people i know in my life before i leave. Tonight I was invited to a housewarming party through some uni people, who are all beautiful, but at the same time wanted to see my other friends, in particular one girl, who i have just started seeing. I organised to meet the latter later on in the evening. However, the uni party dragged on, people came late, people changed plans and I had no one there to go out with (to where i was to meet said very cute and very special (VCAVS) girl). Furthermore, most other friends pulled out. Was waiting for the movement out that i was promised but stagnated and didn't organise much. Meanwhile VCAVS girl sends message saying she is going home. I reply that I wish I could see her and get a vitriolic message in response. "No, I'm not going to pretend that I don't care about this stuff anymore. No reply please." At which point my world crumbles and uni party around me seems insignificant and small and lifeless. Subsequent messages (in the hope of getting voice, or better still, actual interpersonal contact) proved fruitless and, seemingly, more abraisive to said VCAVS girl. Oh sinister, i have noone to discuss this with so drunkenly i turn to you. I am at fault partly, sure, but no deserving of this surely? I have done this before, admittedly, but never thinking of consequence. It can be so hard to balance, and I just end up hurting the wrong people. I just don't know.. 'Never gonna fall in love again' as gary lightfoot says. Maybe music will soothe this feeling, this internal grinding and clenching. I might as well try. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+