So here we go again How do I start? Where from? Tracing reluctantly a path I havent dared to tread for quite some time. More than 3 years if memory doesnt fail me, after which, here I am. Urged to put letters together, words in a string, somehow construct sentences out of this senselessness and help myself come through. My fingers trying to figure out the steps of this dance on the keyboard. I had burnt the map. I had broken the compass. I thought I remembered the way to posting by heart. Well see that. Its been really three years. Three years since that last suicidal post I wrote to sinister and then went offline and slit my wrists. Ive recovered since then. Even the scars are hardly discernable any more. I received some incredibly supporting emails by people all over the Sinister world. Proving once more the wonder of this list, binding us together. I never was your average poster. Oscillating between severe depression and outbursts of inexplicable euphoria, I used to pester the list with long, pointless to most- stories with no (actual) content whatsoever. Drama queen or just a teenager with issues? Three years of utter silence from my side. Little by little the list got rather quiet too. Disturbingly so, lately I would say. But Sinister was and is a part of my life. A wor(l)d with which I can even vaguely- identify myself with. A word that made me something else, something different, took me out of the crowd in its own unique, secret-code-sort-of-way Like during that Belle and Sebastian show in Athens when I shouted during a pause between songs something about how Sinister was represented that night as well and Stuart (looking rather amazed) asked from the stage Who said that? Me! I shouted back Are you on Sinister? he asked back Yeah! I said, already getting some strange looks by all the other people around me. Where are you from? was the next question Athens!, Thats great! Who would believe it that Sinister would spread so much! (or so) he said as they got ready for the next song. We had the chance to catch up backstage later on so I would explain to him all the magic and wonder of this list. Despite all the silence, I didnt unsubscribe. I belong to the old generation of Sinisterines and this is a very precious title to let go of. I remember times when I would log in 4 times a day just to check my inbox which was full of sinister posts. Do you remember those times too? Times where I didnt dare to go on holidays and leave my email unattended It would overflow with all those emails from all of you. Beautiful times. About picnics, body parts photos, sillustrations, tape trees, Christmas swaps, #sinister, custard biscuits, poetry parrots, list crushes (check appropriate subpage rather outdated but it can get going once more), a temporary obsession over whether the girl in the photo of St. Lucy was a real girl on this list or just a prank, list abusers that we all fought against united (who remembers this creepy gal Isabel Lark and how she personally attacked Honey? her photo is still up in the photo page) etc etc etc . Sinister was also the reason why some of the most wonderful people I have ever met came into my life . First of all: Honey. I still have this hand painted princess portrait of her which never made it to the post office. You still are still hiding somewhere behind my ear, blushing as Im getting nasty with boys . Brier Random: Where is this guy? Last time I heard of him he had girl troubles, he was riding his vespa down the Santa Barbara streets, chilling in Butterfly beach . Stacey Dahling: Words fail me. It was a great time. From the first day to the last. I still owe you some mix cds, I havent forgotten. The tunes never seem good enough though and I always change my mind trying to perfect them Which results to constant postponement. And some recipes as well! Jules Markham: the first post that I ever received from sinister was from this amazing girl. I went and disappeared because of a burnt computer screen. If youre reading this Jules Im so sorry. Ill get back to you soon. I promise. Matt, Johnny, Christiaan, Will, Paul, Ulla and so many more . Were entering a new era here. I think I can almost feel it. Heck this is not your ordinary mailing list. It is a list that HAS TO DO with Belle and Sebastian but is not ABOUT them. B&S are the framework but the list itself is like the music that it stands for: subtle as the wind is gray Its had its ups. Its definite ups, and its inevitable downs. But were not gonna let it go down. Are we? Oh please promise me that well try . Theres such a big part of this big, communal US made out of all those small individual MEs hidden in the perfumed, pink parlours of Princess Honey that my heart sags when I think that one day it might cease to exist. And worse of all, because of our own negligence . To me, if music was a living entity, Sinister would be something like her everyday life. Her friends and penfriends. Her passions. Her long distance lovers. Her broken, but mended heart. Her problems. Her good times. Her -wild- times. Shes never settled. I hope she never will. She knows how to move on when she has to. This Music, this List. Sinister. Enjoy your picnics! Happy Birthday! Joanna +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+