And now, for our UK readers, a Party Election Broadcast on behalf of the Sinister Party. Which party is the only one you can trust to run the country the way you want it to be run? That's right, the Sinister Party! Vote for the Sinister Party! We promise to revolutionise education by bringing the concept of "good taste" into music classes. All B+S CDs will receive government subsidies! All teenage boys will receive a free Isobel poster to hang on their wall! Independant music will be supported, and Steps will leave the country! When we're elected, the Meals-On-Wheels service will be replaced by a Cake-On-Wheels service. We will invest in our own custom-built Sinister nursing home to care for list -- sorry, *party* members in their old age! A free packet of custard creams to every voter! We will selflessly persecute online ticket agencies who don't send out tickets until the last minute, with every means at our disposal -- and that *includes* rocket launchers. We believe that Westminster is a terrible place to run the country from, so we're going to move Parliament somewhere else! Apparently, there's a place just outside Rye that's ideal for the job. We're going to bring democracy back to the people. We prefer Kate Bush to George Bush! B+S-deprived areas such as Dingwall, Cleethorpes and the Wirral will receive special help in our manifesto committments. These districts will be flooded with beautiful people and quality music, driving all those awful dance compilations right out of the record shops. We even promise Ned Rehabilitation centres, to carefully wean them off of their Buckfast and cheap jewellery. We will fund our progressive policies by imposing purchase taxes of 485673927% on all NuMetal music. Owners of Eminem records will be given a choice of counselling; or a sign to stick to their foreheads saying "it's a present for my sister, honest". Our policies will lead to a happier nation! To people humming beautiful tunes in the street! We will bring you a land with picnics every weekend and drunken pub-trips every night. Sinister candidates will be standing in such key constituencies as Glasgow Barrowlands, Edinburgh Poshbits, Preston North End, Birmingham Accent and Grimsby Fish Dock Number Three. There's no excuse not to vote for them! If you're a first-time voter, all our candidates have been ordered to do *whatever* it takes to get you to vote for them. After election, our members will be firm and upstanding on all the important issues of the day! Vote Sinister! You know it's the only choice that makes sense in this place! That was a Party Election Broadcast on behalf of the Sinister Party. It will be repeated at 11.30 on Channel 5, with added nudity and signing for the deaf. We apologise to all those non-British people who have no idea what all this is about, not to mention List Mummy who probably wants to get her whip out at me for sending such nonsense to people. And now, the shipping forecast... -- Will Salt ICQ 66321009 http://www.btinternet.com/~wpsalt +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+