Second to only, "Young lady, do you know how fast you were going?", my least favorite way to have a conversation begin is to hear, "Do you know what your problem is?" After twenty four years of inhabiting my life I know perfectly well what my problems are: none of my crushes have ever turned out like the one in Amelie; chocolate neither clears my complexion, enhances my intelligence, or blesses me with flawless health; and even though turn signals are supposedly installed in every car - people still mistake their presence as merely ornamental or to distract their obnoxious offspring from killing each other by turning on the pretty flashing lights. Surprisingly enough, these are never the points brought up. No, instead I hear things about being "responsible" or "more obedient" or "not publicly admitting a fascination with leatherclad midgets on ponies." Thus, when Pigtails sent along the second sinister questionnaire for list members to fill out and return to be compiled for secretive nefarious reasons such as being a list for the NME mailing list I was all set to mend my ways and follow along as I should. Sackcloth? Check! Ashes? Check! Broken Heart & Contrite Spirit? How about just a broken spirit? Close enough! However, shortly after I began to fill out the questionnaire my mind began to wander. (One of my other supposed "problems" is being a "Ritalin prescription waiting to be written.") I really did try but thirty questions overwhelmed me. Being a southerner, I was always taught that if things aren't the way you like them you simply stand tall, put your chin in the air, dress up in gray, secede from the Union, and go fight the bloodiest war in your country's history. I'm a bit too lazy for anything but the chin part so instead I simply made a new questionnaire with the help of the Notorious B.O.Y. G. Respond personally to me or Greg (gpallis@eidosnet.co.uk) rather than the list. We'll compile them into something Fun! Exciting! and involving Sparkling Jell-O and Pixie Sticks! Presenting in all it's (old) glory: The Greg & Laura's Snappy Rebel Questionnaire With A Fresh Lemony Scent 1. Your name (as it appears on your credit cards with accompanying numbers and expiration dates.): 2. Names Which Have Nicked: Shameful, embarrassing, llewd, smutty, or interesting nicknames? 3. What Belle & Sebastian lyric most describes you? [Laura's: "too frumpy for the teenage population of her time" Greg's sidenote: Do remember that it's the one that describes you MOST, not entirely, so you can put "A girl" if you can't think of a better one. If all else fails use my motto in life and quote fosca lyrics. No one will know the difference. "Still you're prejudiced against people who loathe football/ Or refuse flat-out to sport sideburns, they'd simply DIE"] 4. Your first kiss can be best described as: A. Not ducking quickly enough. B. More miss than kiss. More teeth than mouth. More tongue than Kiss. More drool than Lassie. More traumatic than Mentos commercials. C. Still happening -- though I wish they'd move their head a bit to the right so I could see the screen better. D. Other. Explain: 5. Describe your life and your favorite novel in the same sentence. i.e. - "It doesn't make much sense, but neither does Fennigan's Wake." (Matthew Henderson) 6. What is your favorite movie while relating it to an aspect of your personality or taste. i.e. - I like my men like I like my Die Hard movies -- all special effects and no plot. OPTIONAL (because we would really like to read the answers) 7. "Write ONE SIDE of a dialogue which leads to and includes you getting jiggy with your favorite band. Even if you don't fancy them. Example: Hey Tim! Great show! I'm Greg. Uh-huh... <laughs> This IS a bit forward. No, no, let me think. Alright. Yes. (Later) Um, right. No, me neither. This is kinda weird. Also, awkward. So... 8. With frequent reference to the Basic Eight OR Lemony Snicket, analyze why you are filling in this survey instead out of hanging out with attractive and popular people. 9. Yesterday was mother's day (in the US). Did you send Honey & Linda a card for being the best list mummy and step list mummy? If not, are you prepared to burn in hell for your thoughtlessness and general lack or regard for greatness when it's looming over you? If so, will you let me stand behind you to block the heat - I sweat easily and it's simply unbecoming. _________________________________________________________________ Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. 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