A SHORT PIECE OF THEATRE FOR TWO PLAYERS (It is a Thursday, after school in Birmingham City Centre. General bustle. Enter stage left a boy dressed in winter apparel, he looks scruffy and unhurried, gazing absently left and right as he slowly crosses the stage) (Enter Stage left a young man, also dressed for winter, looking a little unsure of himself - his movements are jerky and lack confidence, he too continually gazes all about him, but unlike the boy it is with a slightly paranoid air, he keeps looking behind him, as if he were being followed. He approaches the boy). MAN: 'Scuse me mate, you couldn't help me could you? (The boy stares at him, stopping in his tracks) BOY: Sorry? MAN: I need some help... (the boy keeps staring) BOY: (slowly) Yeah? MAN: Well you see my car broke down here, and I haven't got any money to buy a train ticket to Leicester, and I have to get back there before tonight. BOY: Oh (he starts to look annoyed) I haven't got any money I could give you mate, sorry... (he starts to walk off) MAN: Well how much have you got? (the boy stares at him and thinks for a moment) BOY: Nothing MAN: Have you got a phone? I have to make a call... BOY: No. Didn't you come out with any money? MAN: No... I haven't got any mate, so if you could... BOY: So you drove all the way from Leicester without any money? Why? MAN: Er, yeah... (he looks listless and uninterested and starts to walk away himself) BOY: You know... (the man turns back) If you go up to the police station, I'm sure they'll be able to help you - it's only down the road. (he grins) (the man exits stage left) (the boy exits stage right) STEREOLAB FANS Not long before Christmas, I went to see Stereolab play live at the Birmingham Academy. I left the house early, because I had to get to the cashpoint nearby for some tshirt money, the halifax one, the one thats closed at the moment. I left excited, making sure I had my ticket, some change for the phone in case I needed to use it (I don't believe in mobiles) and my coat and everything. It wasn't till I got on the bus (the #97 from Bordesley Green East, the stop just outside the Richmond Pub), that I realised I'd forgotten my bus pas. It was too late to go back, if I did that I might miss something, and the buses are usually slow into town during winter evenings, so I paid with some of the change I was carrying and resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't be able to buy either a tshirt or the stereolab exclusive tour single (which isn't that good, but everyone a sucker for exclusive 7" singles aren't they?), because I keep my halifax cashcard inside my bus pass. Damn. But still, I wasn't going to let something like that ruin a good gig, so I sat and waited for the bus to get into town. The bus was indeed slow and laborious, there was some sort of delay right on the outskirts of Town, so that by the time we actually got to the last bus stop, it was gone 7:00, and they would be letting people in already. I had done a quick scan of the people on the bus, and despite the presence of several shady looking characters, I deduced that none of my fellow passengers were destined for the gig that night - far more sinister pursuits undoubtedly awaited them in town. We all got off, and I started walking leisurely towards the Academy, it's probably worth pointing out that I was going to the gig completely on my own - while some of my friends have quite good musical taste, when it comes to Stereolab they all fall into one of two categories, either 'heard of but not heard' or 'not heard of', the philistines. But I actually quite like going to gigs on my own - and for Stereolab, anything. As I approached the venue, past the halifax I was supposed to get tshirt money from, past the McDonalds which was still open, patronised by slack-jawed sportswear sporting types, further down, across the road etc, I noticed a few people were still queing up outside, I knew it was past door opening time, so I assumed they were waiting for other people or something. I wandered past them and up to the fetching brown metal doors of the academy, which were, oddly, only very slightly open. I glanced back at the people in the queue, they were looking at me, but nobody said anything. I poked my head around the door to see two of the orange and black clad security staff chatting outside the ticket booth, "Yes?" said the larger of the two, a slightly imposing skinhead type, they both looked at me. "Er, Stereolab are on tonight aren't they?" I said, getting my grammar wrong in the fluster. "Yeah mate, they're still practising so you'll have to wait," said the security guard, "shouldn't be long now though." he looked at his watch. "Ok, thanks" I said bemusedly, and turned back outside. As I walked to the back of the tiny queue I glanced at the people in it - why hadn't they told me what was going on? I put my hands in my pockets and waited, it was quite cold, but not too bad, and I thought that since there were only a few people already here, I could easily get a good place near the front. That would make up for not getting a tshirt I thought. As I was thinking this a girl wandered across the road - from just outside Toys 'R' Us (Can you do backwards r's on computers? It isn't on my character map), she was attired in a manner befitting to a Stereolab fan, and indeed seemed to be making for the gig. My suspicions were confirmed when she walked past me, down the queue and towards the doors. I wondered if I should say anything, since she was bound to get the same response as I did, but I held back, partly because of my own inherent shyness and also because I thought it was a good chance for the people ahead of me to do the right thing and tell her. But the didn't. So she went up to the door, poked her head round and undoubtedly had the same conversation with the skinhead security guard. She glared at us a minute or so later as she walked back to take her place behind me in the queue and I looked away. About five minutes later the small queue of us were let in, and I couldn't help wondering if what had happened was an exclusive trait of people in shy bands like Stereolab, or if the incident said something about us on a wider scale. I don't know. The gig was fantastic by the way, about as good as you imagine Stereolab live being, there was dancing and merrymaking for all. I used the last of my change to phone home (from the phonebox outside adam's), and ask for a lift back since I didn't have enough for the bus. I got home to find that I had missed all but the last Hefner John Peel Session song, which was mildly annoying. Though I do think, having since heard the whole session, thanks to the wonder of techonology that is audiogalaxy.com that the song I did get to hear 'Anne and Bill' is the best of the bunch. I have an insatiable desire to leave this feeling unfinished and go an pop some bubble wrap. I just know I left it lying around here somewhere... Bye - Kieran _________________________________________________________________ Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. 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