halo sinister. just juju again. this time, from cambridge, uk. it is a quiet morning. monday. the sun through the window is warm... or could that be the heater? i sit in a slip and socks to tell you some random things that are of no use to anybody. when i left, he told me to find some sugar for myself here, maybe a nice fling, forget about there... i told him i was leaving my sugar at home. but i don't think it matters that we're apart so much.. i think fate has decided that's just how it shall be, and i'd better get used to it, or have my heart torn up every two minutes. our mutual friend, the one i am visiting here, brings him up quite often.. they are like siblings practically. so i've learned a lot about him and the way his life has been, and how i don't really fit into it all as nicely as i'd wanted to. and i'm wondering if i should change what i want now. ? do you ever just want to care for a person because you think you are the one who could? from the first night he stayed with me.. not the first time we'd met, but the first time i new it wasn't just his eyes i was drawn in by, he admitted being taken in by my abilities to turn a bad thing around with a positive spin. he had bumped up against the freshly painted new vespahaus door.. green paint all over the sleeve of his new black coat. i took it into the wc and removed what i could. he waited up, late as it was, on the couch. when i surfaced, he sat there staring, like he didn't comprehend what he was looking at. he thanked me endlessly, and then i shared my edward scissorhands wind-up robot toy with him, and we could have stayed up talking forever. there was instantly something there. i could have given him anything. but boys are dumb, i guess. they want something, and want to chase it, and sometimes they do.. but this one, he wants something, but just sits there dreaming about it, putting me off like he doesn't have the time.. what does it mean? i suppose today we will have bagels and mochas and a stroll around disneyland (my nick-name for this dreamy place). he will come up again, perhaps how he has finally planned to visit her as well.. and my heart will ache, thinking how he could have come with me. i think i am done with this heartache. bring me something new. i had my first ribena walking the streets of bath. there were grand fireworks everywhere, some even set off over an esso petrol station. (we ran far from that location.) the moon lit the sky perfectly as we strolled trhough a soggy green. we chased the fireworks and remarked on the girls' after five clothing choices (what is the fascination with boots and jeans and half-there shirts?? i was in a shirt, a sweater, a scarf, a jacket...). then we continued to eat far too much chocolate and cheese.. a steady diet of that could kill you, i suppose, but how divine! mmmmmmmmmmmmmm then we took our hire car for a spin around the south of england, almost accidentally but partly on purpose seeing seven sights in one day. we stopped in bournemouth to get a bottle of sand for a friend back home. now i hear her coming in. i shall shower and enjoy the day, trying not to think of him too much.. this *is* supposed to be my holiday.... love and endless sighs, juju "one day, i am going to grow wings: a chemical reaction..." _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+