URGENT - GLASGOW EARTHQUAKE APPEAL
AT 00.54 ON MONDAY 07TH OCTOBER 2002 A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE HIT MEASURING 4.8 ON THE RICHTER SCALE EPICENTERED ON GLASGOW. Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering: "Ah wiz shittin' masel" and "Ah need some jellies". The Earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Untold disruption and distress was caused: Many were woken well before their giro arrived Several priceless collections of memento's from the Balearics and Spanish costas were damaged Three areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were disturbed The cone fell off the head of the statue outside the Modern Art Gallery Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting has happened in Glasgow One resident, Mary-Alice McGregor, a 17 year old mother-of-three said "It was such a shock, little Chelsea came running into my bedroom crying. My yungest two, Tyler-Morgan and Shauni slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning." Looting was reported to be unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of buckfast and tennets Super to the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos. HOW YOU CAN HELP Clothing is most sought after. Items required include: - Sovvy rings; Baseball caps; Shell suits; Tesco two stripe trainers; White socks; Chunky gold chains Food parcels may be harder to put together but are necessary all the same. Required foodstuffs include: - Faggots; Buckfast; Grey Peas; Buckfast;Pork Scratchings; Buckfast; Tripe and Onions; Buckfast; "**** Blood Pud"; Buckfast; Fray Bentos Pies; Buckfast £2 buys chips, scraps and ginger for a family of four £10 can take a family to Coatbridge for the day, where children can sniff glue and spike up among the national collection of stinging nettles 22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim Please send your credit card number. _________________________________________________________________ Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+