Oh, It's you... I was just checking. That WAS a long post from "le Gateau de Whizz" wasn't it... I'm thinking that even "prolific" Reid has met his match. Come on in, the kettles on. Do you want a coffee, or maybe something stronger, eh? ;-) A coffee and a "wee dram" it is, then. Have a seat, rest your legs, get comfy. I warn you now, this is quite likely to be a long post. What with it being fireworks night last night and all, I was in a very reflective mood, I even tried my hand at Haiku on the way home (1) ... and thought about most of this post either on a wall above a park, or in the pub, waiting for my friend Sarah (2) to come back to the pub. I'd had a really nice evening, and was shamelessly monopolising her all night Not that I begrudged her the presence of her boyfriend (3) but, like I said, I'd had a nice night and didn't want it spoiled with them smooching all over the bar. Like they do. It's probably selfish, but I hate to watch couples snogging when I'm single. It's still quite embarrassing when I'm going out with someone, but I think it's worse when your single. Especially if they are your best friends. Anyway, I digress.... I really wrote this ramble to the list because I'm, frankly, scared stiff. and could do with advice. You see, Jenny's coming back. I suppose I should explain... Jenny's.... well, the only thing I can say that comes close is "the Love of my Life". and even then it's an understatement. If She were on the list (I hope she's not in disguise!) she's get 20 votes from me. I'd even sign up under pseudonyms to register more votes. (hasn't anyone thought of this yet, or am I just a cynical old git at heart? ) Do you want another coffee? It's OK, I'll get it... I've known Her for about 2 and a half years now, and I can still close my eyes and see Her smiling like the first time I saw Her. Now, just to clarify a little, we've never "gone out together", although I spent the best weekend of my life in Edinburgh with Her. I started to write poetry again, only for Her, whilst watching Her sleep (badly) on Her birthday. I sat up all night, watching Her and writing about how I felt. about Her I was mindnumbingly embarrassed when, having fallen asleep watching Her breathe and holding Her hand, She woke up before me and read the bits and bobs scrawled onto the back of envelopes and tights packets and any scrap paper I could get my hands on. But, I was overjoyed when She wanted to keep them. You must be wondering, if I love this girl as much as I say I do, then why am I not leaping for joy at Her immanent return to my life (4) and, I'd have to say, I am. I can't wait to see Her again, but I'm worried at the same time. I have a "gut feeling" that She's not going to feel the same about me as I do about Her. and I don't know how to broach the subject. I mean... "Hi, how are you? does your heart want to explode with love, too... or do you fancy a coffee? " I suppose I can only "take it as it goes", eh? Oh well. I think the main problem I have with this is that IF (and that's a big if...) She _doesn't_ love me back (ah, unrequited love... a fine subject!) then my relationship with Her enters the realm of "damage limitation", in that I would rather be friends with her, and be able to talk to her about my thoughts and feelings, than be "acquaintances" (sp?) and get an occasional 'phone call, see her at parties, and start pestering mutual friends about "How's Jenny?" and "What's Jenny doing these days?" (to which the answer would be "Same as yesterday, Calumn, now Fuck Off." ) So what do I do? Should I just go for it, and throw this whole boiling tempest of love at her lap. "There. That's how I feel. now feel free to break my heart" Or do I maintain the wall. stay cool. torture myself for a few years yet. god, is _this_ depression? is it heartbreak? I'm off to read "Belle Lettres" again. It helps. (5) Maybe, just maybe, She does love me back... in which case I get to implement my "grand plan" of introducing her to B&S (she's never heard them. and I admit that this is deliberate. I want to be there when She 1st hears them) whilst cuddling up on the sofa, in front of the fire, with a bottle of nice red wine (I've even got one put aside!). I even made a tape, I'd post the tracklist, but (if you're still here) you really don't want to know. Suffice it to say, it's _all_ Belle and Sebastian... I'll shut up about "Photo Jenny" (hadda put _that_ one on the tape!) oh dear...this post is assuming "reidian proportions" but don't worry, you don't get this very often from me. Other stuff: I'm having difficulty finding the Duke's book in Glasgow (tried Waterstones, Dillons and John Smith's) but I think I might get it on-line instead.... The temptation to get it signed is just too great! But... How Would the Author sign... "Duke of Harringay"? or "Alastair Fitchett" (whoever _that_ is!) I'd like to get it signed by "the duke".. that'd be fun. When Is someone going to nominate _me_ for the Monday poem? It's true, I've been sitting at the back of the class, giglling with my friends, but I'm really paying attention, miss. and have my hand up nicely... I'm not even shouting "me, me, me". Whilst I'm on the subject of Poetry, (and this is the clever "segue" (sp?) bit) Whilst I was looking for (plug) "Young and Foolish" in Waterstone's, I found a book of "Scots Haiku"... One of which I feel like sharing. It's here for the record, so that people can refer to it at the "New Year" bashes. (I included the English Translation, otherwise it's pretty much gibberish!) Ne'erday splore, New Year Party bauld hechts: the morn brave resolutions: still raining mair weet in the morning the books called "scots haiku" (no, really!) and it's by Bruce Leeming. comes in a nice blue cover too. and from Haiku... onto the footnotes... (starting with a haiku... clever huh?) 1) My First Haiku Driving in the rain - the many firework's cherry blossoms fall into the night Well, what do you think? Yes, well, I'll improve. (I've got to!) While I'm (still) on the subject, I heard a great Haiku on the radio.... To convey one's mood in seventeen syllables is very diffic Brilliant! Dramatis Personae and other notes..... 2) My Mate Sarah She's a zoologist at Glasgow Uni, small, funny, gorgeous.. and one of my true friends. I love her dearly. I keep babbling at her about my life, and love and stuff.. She understands me, I think. 3) Sarah's Boyfriend , Ewan. Who is (coincidentally), my best friend. If I had to pick one person, that is. He's a Programmer, with long, long blond hair and a vicious temper when he's drunk. Which is why he doesn't drink alcohol anymore. I'm very proud of him for that. 4) Return? Where was she? Well, Jen left to work in Leeds after that lovely weekend together, and we had decided to see each other when she came back... she had to work _really_ hard while she was down there, and I had just started my job here, with the council. We phoned each other a few times, and I wierded her out once, when I sent her a letter telling her how I still felt about her (she didn't expect it) I was supposed to apologise to her, but I said... "I can't apologise for feeling what I feel, I _can_ apologise for telling you. But I'd rather you knew than you didn't" 5) Belle Lettres? What's that? Oh where have you been? If you haven't read Belle Lettres, you haven't lived. Check it out on Tangent's (damn fine) web site... http://www.virtual-pc.com/tangent/belle_lettres/index.html you can even buy a "hard" copy (plug!) Now, _there's_ a thing to make a young boy sigh..... Thanks for listening. If you still are, that is. cal In dire need of a big, warm, happy, hug.... Duran Duran Content : "Wild Boys" - now _there_ was a P!O!P video B&S Content: Belle Lettres. The Fireside Bit. Love and Heartbreak Smut Content: None, but I'll let you know if I "get lucky".... Post Length: about 8K (1476 words, but Micro$oft have been known to be wrong) +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list please mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". For list archives and searching, list rules, FAQ, poor jokes etc, see http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +---+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" +---+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+