hello sinister. i've always written self-indulgent posts. every time i come back to sinister, i know it's for the self-indulgence, really. and i don't know if this is good or bad for me, the writer, or you, the casual reader. but today. i get to be self-indulgent, i think. just this one. this one post. and then i promise to try to be better. *** so. i lost my job. i'm still in shock, really. thinking that, come december, i will have no main source of income unless i leave the cozy confines of the campus and trudge into outer lincoln. of course, it's not like the basement office of the newspaper has been exactly cozy lately. no. i'm not popular here. i haven't been for a while. and when you hear about the things people say about you, for the better part of a year, it's easy not to care. it's easy not to care that they make fun of your disabilities. or poor choices. or whatever. the music you listen to -- any laundry list of shit that doesn't mean much. really. but then i heard it. in person. and i said something about it to the proper people. and a week later, i was out. so now i sit here in this cubicle. and i know they talk before i get here and after i leave. but i sit here anyway, taking the pictures off the walls. lining the push pins up in a neat row. making sure it looks orderly for the person who comes next, knowing that person will learn the order of the newsroom, and that it is anything but one neat, straight line of colors. *** so now i have to find something new to do. and it isn't that i am entirely sad. i did decide to break up with journalism in may. it's just...now i am moving out. and i hate moving. *** i'm thinking i might be in the mood for obits, then. so tomorrow, i call the other paper. the one i swore i'd never set foot in. and i will ask if they need another girl. it seems proper at this point in time. to show up for work. take off my scarf. sit down. turn the computer on. adjust my papers, pictures, can of soda. and then. catalogue death. every day. and come home at night to my pregnant roommate. the list of daily phone calls. homework. life. yes. it might just be time for a new one. one more brilliant than this one i have led and known for too long. xo.lou. ===== www.somewhereinbetween.net __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Protect your identity with Yahoo! Mail AddressGuard http://antispam.yahoo.com/whatsnewfree +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+