Hey everybody, All this Christmas swapping of presents has managed to re-energize me, and alert me to the fact that I have far less money than I wish I did, which is pretty much always a problem. However, I'm on the cusp of presenting the local well-to-dos with a business plan that I think could very well, and without exaggeration, take care of me and my lisper's-kiss kith, and hanger's on, etc for the forseeable future. It involves combining the inexplicable pull of apple butter with the hopefully-quickly-dying garage rock revival, in the following way: the base flavor (apples) will be combined with other, slightly quirkier flavors, in a similar manner to various other products on the market (viz. Tropicana's twister, Goober's ontological nightmare of jelly + peanut butter in the same unholy jar, etc.) My three prototype flavors are these: Grap-Apple Stranglehold (has a picture of the four remaining Strokes on the front)- Grape Apple Asp-Apple Crotchkick (features a non sequitur lithographical rendering of actor Michael Ironside)- Asparagus Apple Rasp-On-Apple Claviclebreak (an impressionist style portrait of the lead singer of the Donnas)- Raspberry Onion Apple All I need is about 5000 USD for the start-up capital, and I'll be set. This email roughly approximates the letter I sent to the President of the United States, in which I also remarked that I enjoyed his socks and inquired as to where I could pick up a pair as snazzy as those sported by the leader of the only country listed in the "Hot" column of Vogue's "Hot or Not" article. The other 'scheme' I had involved manufacturing t-shirts that had a picture of a velociraptor on the front, eyes hidden behind a pair of jauntily-worn ambervision sunglasses, holding a bag of candy in its left claw, with the caption "sexual predator" beneath it. The focus group I consulted, which consisted solely of people at a nighborhood bar, felt it was perhaps too ahead of its time, and that I should wait to spring it upon the consuming public. In other news that no one could possibly find interesting, one of my best friends is in Kenya, and is studying the runners there- more specifically, their religion, which is an intriguing mix of Christianity and animism- and has found time to be a Teacher's Assistant in a philosophy of science class at the university. The students in the class have nicknamed him "Professor Mzungu", which he claims would be the equivalent of calling an African American teacher here "Professor McBlackmeister". Dan, my friend, said he has had little luck in trying to get them to switch his nickname to something slightly less racially-based, like 'Megatron'. There was a point to this email, and I think it should be patently obvious. Anyway. Looking forward to sending off my presents, and in return, lord willing, receiving brown paper packages of foreign pornography. sleep tight everyone, Kevin +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+