so i'm so mad right now, and i don't know how to even write this email but i don't have anyone else to talk to right now cause it's 3 in the fucking morning so you all are all i've got where to even start. about 3 weeks ago i met a girl, i knew i was only going to be home for a few weeks and that it couldn't really be anything real but she was cool and i liked her and i haven't liked anyone in a pretty long time she likes me too. we've been "hanging out" since then, not a couple, certainly not, but fairly couple like. she's told me that if i was staying she would want to date me, and i think i believe her, i think i do, maybe anyway, i know that she makes out with other people, i sort of knew that anyway, vaguely, and it didn't really bother me cause afterall we aren't dating anyway and i'm leaving for scotland in like 8 days anyway but, fucking but, fucking fucking fucking but she invited me to a concert tonight, sort of, and her friend invited me to a party after it, aparently she didn't want me to be invited but she sure as fuck didn't do anything to stop me from going, in fact it seemed to me in some ways like she was happy i was going so i went to the concert and had a good time, tracy + the plastics, great band/chick, afterwards we went to the party and for awhile had a good time there then i saw her making out with some random guy while i was five feet away, then pull him into the makeout room, then come out and start making out with someone else that i later found out is her ex-boyfriend, then i went outside and stood near them and she took him off across the street to keep making out i don't know what to feel... i know i don't have any um hold over her, that's not really the right term cause you don't own people, i just mean that we are not comitted in anyway, far from it, but we've spent the last 3 weeks seeing each other every few days and there has been a far bit of kissing and the like and i guess i just thought she liked me more than that it's just so fucking inconsiderate, so finally we talked and i said that and she said that she liked me alot and that if i was staying she would want to be with me but because i wasn't she couldn't get attached to me, which i fucking understand, it makes sense, and i told her that i was cool with what she was doing, which i sort of am, maybe, but that i just didn't want to have to see it and she apologized and told me that she hadn't meant for me to see it, and i told her that for the 8 days we had left i would just like it if she would try harder, at which point we left the party she left the party with him, holding hands, i started to walk back with them cause she was going to the same place as my car but when i realized she was taking him back with her i wasn't going to, i said i would call her the next day and she asked me why i wasn't walking with them so i fucking did, and she held his fucking hand the whole fucking way back, didn't say a fucking word to me and when we fucking got back to my fucking car she was like, are you leaving, and i was like what else am i gonna do and she was like well i'll see you later to which i just left maybe i'm just drunk, which i am, but it just seems so fucking inconsiderate, are they back together, i know she wants that, are we done? we were supposed to go to a show together tomorrow, are we not now? i think i will be ok with what happened tomorrow but i'm not sure there is a tomorrow, at least not for me and her i fucking hate this, i fucking hate this stupid fucking bullshit, what am i supposed to feel, what am i supposed to think? what happens now? i'm not going to sleep that's for sure .. arik p.s. sorry, sorry for making you all have to deal with this. tomorrow i will write a much happier message where i beg you all to let me live in your houses in scotland for a brief time, really i'm usually much nicer and ok then this, i promise +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+