What did Italy ever produce...besides Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and
As Saturday night drew closer, I became increasingly up for a Big Night Out. With a full face of make-up, freshly painted nails and hair that, for once in my life, was behaving itself, I was just hunting for my bus pass when the phone rang. "Sorry Lucy, all our trains into London have been cancelled - we're not going to be able to come". I sighed a little sigh, sat down in my full face of make-up, freshly painted nails and hair that, for once in my life, was behaving itself and switched on Stars In Their Eyes. But what a treat it was! "Tonight, Matthew, I'm going to be Phil Oakey of the Human League" squeaked a weaselish little chap before disappearing behind a cloud of dry ice. After the transformation, the likeness was just uncanny. He had the lopsided haircut, he had the dangly earring, he had the moves, he had the voice, he wanted our love action! He was grand and he should have won, but the audience preferred to vote for a schoolgirl being Kelly Le Rock. Darned teenagers, they're always up to no good. Other treats of the evening included a shit impression of Gary Barlow (as if the real GB isn't shit enough) and a Jennifer Rush with jaw-jut. Prompted by a programme about Jimmy Saville last week, I began thinking about favourite Jim'll Fix Its. I remember one matronly woman whose dream it was to meet Tom Jones. She'd been in the front row at a Tom Jones concert once and he'd wiped his sweaty brow on her hankie, since which time she'd kept it in a plastic bag in her freezer. Jim brought Tom to the lady's house, she dug the hankie out from between the bags of frozen vegetables and he mopped his brow with it once more. The housewife went all wibbly. So, the question I need to ask is if any of the victorious ATP footie team kept a hanky with some of Stu M's blood on it? I'd like to keep it in my freezer. Massive props to Pelican Rob for mentioning infected cysts on the list. One of the 'friends' who blew me out on Friday night can't stand to hear the words 'pus' or 'phlegm' - they give her the willies. I'm thinking about sending her a cyst-laden email to see if it doesn't have the same effect. Rob also wondered what we'd do if we had a copy of the new B&S album. I'm pretty sure I'd decide immediately which song I liked the least and then spend hours and hours trying to decide which one I liked the best. Miss Llew enquired the Renaissance? I'm desperately trying to think of Italians who've made an impact on the charts, outside their own country, but I can only think of Sabrina ("Boys, boys, boys, I'm looking for a good time...") Any pop trivialists out there care to help me? For a split second on Sunday morning, I was tempted to enter next year's London Marathon. Then I remembered the cardinal rules of marathon running, as taught to me by my Dad who has done nine of them and was once the first fancy dress runner to cross the line (he was a fairy and David Coleman got his name wrong): Put vaseline on your nipples, otherwise they'll bleed all down your vest Put vaseline on the insides of your thighs, otherwise they'll bleed all down your legs Don't pop that big blood blister anywhere near the living room carpet Don't think about painting your toenails after the race, because you won't have very many left Steer well clear of people who foam at the armpit or look like they'll puke at the finish And on that rather foul and disgusting note, I'll go and get myself some lunch. Buon appetito, amici! Juicy Lucy -- This communication contains information which is confidential and may also be privileged. It is for the exclusive use of the intended recipient(s). If you are not the intended recipient(s), please note that any distribution, copying or use of this communication or the information in it is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify the sender immediately and then destroy any copies of it. +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+