Dear All, A long time since my last correspondence. Um, I suppose it's been a strange time. Last week, one of my closest friends died in an auto accident. I think cars must be responsible for more deaths than any other man-made creation, except maybe cigarettes. I really, really loved her, or rather, I really, really love her. I feel now that it is my duty to really strive, take risks, and achieve whatever it is that I want to achieve. Lacey set out a year and a half ago to discover her spiritual self. She left the comfort of her home and travelled to Alaska, leaving an immense wave of self-realisation behind her. People were angry with her, but I wasn't. She had to do it. Nobody know how little time she might have then. I didn't see much of her. I would see her every few months or so. Every time, she seemed happier, more satisfied, more at peace. I say often that my love for her was unrequited, but I know that it was not. It was oh so requited. Not many have been more loving, more sincere, more willing to accept without judgement. I remember the joy of just silence with her, letting music and roomlight do all the talking. Everyone who encountered her felt a peace following her, a message of real satisfaction, and that is so rare, so rare, in modern society. I hope one day to feel the kind of everyday joy she did, or does. Although, I do love life now. I suppose I might seem a bit goal oriented. As much as I would like to be a successful musician, it is because I love music, and I want to reach as many people as possible, to share what I have been given by so many talented people. It's really important to me, and I want to go to Glasgow, study literature, and make music, so dammit, i will. I have made the plans, if I can get my paperwork in, to go to UNiversity, and I should be leaving in October. It's just a reminder of the fleeting quality of life, that you can be so radiant, and then be stolen in a moment, but if she is at peace, if there are not loose ends, then the issue is strange. Her Dad is the only surviving member of her immediate family, and I feel for him immensly. He has a partner and a baby on the way, as the parents were divorced, and as a friend of mine said, Lacey and her brother Brady will sneak into that baby somehow. I can't face the reality of the accident. She was always leaving, always visiting, so it seems as though she'll phone any day now, recently returned from an excursion of some sort. They were not excursions, she took them seriously. I loved her in a way that I feel must be rare. There was very much an understanding, and I very much treasure that. It is a reminder that I should take time to be good to many friends and cultivate many realtionships, and her death has, strangely enough, brought me together again with people, taught me more of the joy and validity of holding a friend. I am not overly sentimental, I don't feel, but I don't think it matters here. Sometimes I want to cry and run, to hide, to ignore, but celebrating the beauty is so much more important, and I really think I feel her presence sometimes, reflected in a certain natural settings, or, actually, all settings. I hope to God that any message I send out gets to her somehow. It's hard to get over how strange the situation is, and even though I don't know all of you personally, I hope this is applicable, and that you have someone you love. I know I am better for it. I love you, Lacey. _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+