it snowed today but it did not stay. someone on "goodbye enemy airship the landlord is dead" yells "it's christmas time" and i noyiced it for the first time today. i recieved a call from one of my best friends in scotland who emphasized how happy she was by saying it over and over again. by the third time i knew she was rolling. first time roller! Hurray!-- but wait, a quiet whisper inside my head asks, is it really? and i knew that my conscience had yet another thing to set its meat hooks into. Why should this bother me, someone else, be it a good friend, taking drugs? i used to use drugs quite often, but have been surprisingly sober for 3/4 of a year now (with the exception of a "pass the joint" after having far too many bevvy's (and i know. drink could be counted as a drug, but i don't count it.)) besides that:spic&span. Having played a role in the "drug culture" and eaten my fair share of potato chips, and having quite enjoyed myself at the time, i wonder to myself why this bothers me. one of the reasons is that i quite liked her because she never used, and i could still get on with her and all, whilst mostly all of my other friends were users also. the innocent appeal, yeah. She says that she won't do it again (not that i critisized, it is a fucking asshole who critsizes someone for rolling while they are rolling(other drugs apply as well)) that she thought she'd just try it out. Yeah. . . myself and many other people i knew said the very same thing. once a thing like that has you, that is it. you may not go out of your way to find it, but if it slides in under your nose, who's to say, ya know? i guess that i am almost anti-drug now. i take some flack for it from people i used to smoke with, etc. The temptation just isn't there any more. bordem and laziness just got so they weren't my thing. I think hearing that she had taken ecstacy may have caused me to start asking myself how much i miss all that, though. less about how i don't really want her to get into that kind of scene (although that is very present) and more about whether i am really past any (be it minor) addiction i might have (had). I think that i'll talk to her about it, though. Tomorrow, the day after. This week has been painstakingly mundane. Thank the good Lord for Godspeed you Black emporer. it is the closest thing to a religious experience i've had since the last time i walked past a church and laughed at it. Anyway. Sorry. i feel that i've said absolutely nothing. yours, phil r _________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. Share information about yourself, create your own public profile at http://profiles.msn.com. +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "peculiarly deranged fanbase" "frighteningly named +-+ +-+ Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+