Hello kittens! The following post is witty, interesting and very relevant to B&S and *your life*. You'll really want to read it right through, not skipping anything, and not even noticing spelling errors because of my fabulous charm. You'll never want to delete this message and you'll probably get it printed out on A2, laminated, and stuck to your wall as a poster.* I have noticed that the cheeky little Stuart Murdoch has been trying to steal peoples attention by *doing things*. This will not be tolerated, as you should all be paying attention to me, and not him, because I am better, not to mention prettier by far. Frankly, the guy is just full of himself. I have been prompted again to post by the lovely Dafyd, not really by his inspiring me, but more threatening me and demanding that I post. I suppose he realises it's not fair for me to deny you lovelies of my presence. That said, I do have some things to say which aren't *entirely* self absorbed: I was going to the Strange Fruit thingy yesterday after work but someone started a fire in Wimbledon and the trains to London got cancelled :( Mmm, that was a bit to do with myself I spose. I have invented something wonderful, it's called THE SINISTER DRINKING GAME. Basically you get a couple of bottles of vodka, and a bottle of ribena, and a few glasses**. You invite a few (preferably sinister) friends round and save up a few days worth of your sinister posts. You then read the posts together and you have to down a shot of Vodbena every time one of the following happens: 1. You get the urge to snog Mark Casarotto. 2. CarsmileSteve puts something on his website. 3. Genevieve makes the boys blush! 4. Someone downloads a song off napster. 5. Someone who isn't you goes to a sinister meet up and your sooo jealous. 6. PineFox mentions a band you've never heard of. You can make up more of your own ideas for the above list because mine aren't very good, but you get the picture. By the end of the night you'll be very sinisterly drunk and you will have caught up on all the posts! If you can't think of any sinister cliches then just have a shot each every time you finish a post (then you'll thank mummy for that 15 minute rule). At the end of the night you have to compose a drunken sinister post for us all to read. The why we hate indie kids thing was funny, but I think I preferred Ken's townies one; in the words of Homer Simpson: "I like it when they make fun of people who aren't me!" Though I don't think I'm a proper indie kid, because my CD collection can be moved around with only one van. I don't understand why ken likes townie girls though, we have lots at my school and they're all such slappers! They talk like essex girls even though they don't come from essex! And I hate the trousers they wear; they are black and made of cotton or polyester or something boring like that and they're kind of really tight around the thighs and make anyone's bum look really big and ugly, and then they flare out stupidly, not like normal flares, to a kind of ironed sharp point at the end and it's the yuckiest thing I've ever seen! There's a girl at school who's bottom I look at far more than I should but I can't help it, she wears these jeans sometimes with the word "elvis" embroidered in gold on the arse! You can't help looking at it from time to time. They are the coolest pair of jeans though, if you ask me. I've got work experience coming up next week. I'm working at some kind of laboratory. I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm going with a girl from school who looks like someone from this list I think, which is weird for me! I asked Miss Honey if I could have a job writing "Sinister:" at the beginning of everyone's posts, but she said she already had someone to do it. I bet I would be better though, grr. I don't really want a boring job like that. My dream is just to marry Laura Llew*** and open up an independant bookshop together. We'll live in the flat above the shop, and just spend our days being care-free and reading sinister and so on. Sigh. This is getting long so I'll be off, Byebye xx James * You may think this is some kind of ironic antithesis to the traditional opening of a sinister post, but I'm perfectly serious (except the poster bit and the never deleting). That kind of introduction would perhaps however be more appropriate to one of Laura Llew's**** posts, but I know she's too modest for such a thing, so you'll just have to imagine it next time she posts*****. ** I actually recommend you use those plastic disposable cups rather and glasses per se. I just don't want you to break the glasses in your drunken silliness. *** Well, perhaps a milkmaid such as Laura Llew is a little out of my league, but the idea remains, just think of the faceless entity that is your soulmate. **** By this time I have mentioned Laura Llew at least three times, and you might be thinking I have some kind of unhealthy obsession. All I can say is, if you're worried, imagine how she feels! ***** Which will be very soon. More poetry: Laura Llew, Laura Llew, red roses and posies for you. It's nearly Valentines, but I think I'm getting the flu.****** Yuck. Laura Llew, Laura Llew. ****** Don't worry it's more of a sore throat, but don't kiss me just now.******* ******* I'm becoming aware that the amount of footnotes in my post is once again becoming silly. Perhaps I'm reading too much Terry Pratchett. Bye now. Brought to you by the fantabulous Sinister list. "meeting all Laura Llew's needs since 1997 (or therabouts)" "[Grr, sinister is stupid and I hate you and you have stupid hair]" -- Stephen Wells, NME +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+