Bonsoir list. I did not quite succeed in being the first to admit to being in a "greek system", but at least the first who is in a fraternity.. not that I'm proud now.. Well I have to say it's maybe a bit different for me, as I am in a german fraternity and not in an american one, and if all that has been said about the "greek system" is true, then it's quite similar in some respects, but very different in others. I'll start with the similaritties, because that's shorter. We also like to have parties, and the music at those parties is not exactly high art. But we do not have ugly rituals for being accepted, and no one of us pays for coming in. What a hilarious idea really! Another major difference is that being in a fraternity is not common at all; there is not a majority of "fratboys", but a very very vast minority: at the german university I've been (Cologne), there were about 500 in a total of 60,000. Sororities exist, but they are so few that I've never seen a real sorority "sister" until now... So, if anything, it's us who get bullied and not the other way around. As for the thing that fratboys are all stupid jocks, I can agree to the sinister sorority girl: I've met lots of stupid and narrow-minded people through the fraternity, and I've met lots of wonderful people as well. You can't categorize this, and while I believe all of you when you say that most of the american fratboys are just horrible (I'm noticing a severe lack of abuse language in my vocabulary here :), I think it's mostly due to the fact that they are so many... and the majority is mostly dumb. I doubt those people would be much better outside of a fraternity. But, on the subject of horrible fraternities, I should not pass under silence that the most hateable species of fraternities also stems from Germany: it's those who have fencing-dueling tournaments against each other with the obejctive of getting cuts in the face which leave scars... the scars being something you're supposed to be proud of as a sign that you're particularly courageous... I won't even try to explain that kind of thing, because I don't understand it myself. What's more, many of those fraternities are known to be meeting points of the extreme-right, neo-nazi scene. It's a real problem for all german fraternities, because everyone thinks they are all like that and think you're a racist when you say that you are in a fraternity. And I am not, believe me... besides a few of my fraternity brothers are members of the socialist party. And as for homophobic, well... a majority of them are gay, so that's not really an issue either ;) So why did I go there myself, you might be asking. Am I such a saddo that I could not find friends otherwise? Please ask, because I want to answer. Never mind, I'll answer anyway. Well I met some of my best friends there, and a few of them are people who I would have had no chance to meet otherwise, because they are living in completely different worlds, so to say. And that's interesting. And there's a certain atmosphere to a fraternity ( at least to the one I am in), that might be hard to describe to someone who has not experienced it. It's different whether you are friends with someone, even a very good friend, or if you call him "brother" and know that you've got a bond with him that will last a lifetime... I'm not sure if it would feel anything like that in an american frat, though.. maybe in some.. but I certainly would have trouble feeling at ease in a community where you had to pay for and that tortured you before they let you in. And, just for the record, I'd like to point out that I have indeed friends out of the fraternity. More than inside, that is. This just to say that not all fraternities are *evil*... sorry for my english. It's a little bit too poor to express complicated things like that. I wanted to say something about bullying as well, but it's so late now already.. well I'll try to keep it short. I can not say I have been bullied, but I was an outsider all the time. I started out being extremely shy in the first years of school, keeping to myself most of the time and having next-to-no friends, and reading unreasonable amounts... the first thing that saved me was literature, and I was extremely lucky to have a library directly inside the school that had got all of the German ( and also some foreign) literature. So instead of spending the breaks with my classmates and having the kind of fun you're supposed to have at that age, I spend them all in the library, reading. In fact, if I remember well, I spend all my time between 14 and about 18 doing nothing much else than reading... Of course I wanted to become a writer... I still do, though I'm afraid it might be more difficult than I first thought... And listened only to classical music until about 16 (Ah, Berlioz! listen to Hector Berlioz. Pure wild emotion.) Finally I got some friends, all boys, computer nerds, we had good fun together, none of us ever saw a girl from nearer than arm-length... In the last years in school, I got a little bit more self-confident, although just a little.. it was then that I discovered pop music. This is something that has to be said in favour of MTV, by the way, because it was through them that I got to know pop music. Of course it was a long way to go until there was really good music, but it was a start. And, might I say to the younger ones among us, there once was a time, long ago and far away, when MTV was not all that bad. Bad, but not *that* bad. Suede was my first revelation in pop music. From Beethoven to Suede... They were my second life-saver after the books, so to say. Maybe you get an impression of the situation I was in when I say that there was no one in my entire year who had ever heard of them. I mean, Suede. I don't expect anyone to know B&S... Didn't I say somewhere up there I wanted to keep it short? Ok, now I will. Let's just skip 5 years. Where do we find our hero? depressed, lovelorn, suicidal? Not really. I don't really know how it came about, if I knew I would tell you so you can all do the same, but I got much more self-confident once I had started university; seems to be something that happened to quite a few of you. I've found friends, people with whom I can talk about everything, I can make compliments to girls so that they blush and not me, I live in a wonderful city, far away from home, with an adorable girl... and, quite a good example that jessica had, I had a birthday party for my 24th.. the first one since I was 12 or so. It's very strange, come to think of it. And, after all, I do not regret not having spent my youth at parties. The general culture and knowlegde I got in this years is something for life; I've even noticed, a disadvantage of having a life, that I hardly read good literature any more, due to lack of time.. Have you noticed just how many famous people have similar stories about their youth to what you've all told? The only example I have in mind right now is Uma Thurman, who said everyone mocked her ugliness when she was young, but I know there are many others. Strange if you think that many of the so-called "cool" would have bullied their idols if they had been in class with them... My theory is that if you have been an outsider at the school, you become more self-critical as an adult, and that might lead you to be more open-minded and also more tolerant than those who always heard they were the best and therefore never see the need question anything and to improve as a person. That's not to say that we, the "different" ones, are better, but... if you have to go through all this hardship in school, I do believe that there is something good in this. should I become a preacher? I better stop now until I heal the world. bonne nuit. Jan The Dark Site of the Moon: http://perso.club-internet.fr/jimgrund/index.html Tindersticks page: http://perso.club-internet.fr/jimgrund/tinderpage/tinder.html To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. -Oscar Wilde +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+