It has come to my attention that Julian Fuckface wrote:
Ha!
He`s in the bath and for once I`ve managed to get my hands on his `laptop`. Apparently, all you fools are taken in by his pathetic cocky swagger, and so, as his flatmate of 18 *long* months (I'M NOT GAY), I feel it is my duty to tell the whole disgusting truth about the boy Robert.
Of course, none of you believe this, do you?
1 FRAUD: He always goes on about how he is half Scottish,but he neglects to mention that he is also half Stoke-ish.And he was born in Birmingham.
That's no secret.
2 MIDGET: He takes size 4 (FOUR) shoes and has to buy them from the childrens department.Yuk.
See, I'm cute...
Not to mention the hideous ginger hair. Twat.
For this read, my beautiful golden locks.
3 POOF: He supports Manchester City, not for the love of the team, but because blue is his favourite colour.
It's actually because Kinkladze's got nice buns.
4 WANKER: Sometimes,when I`m late leaving the house for work,he surprises me by still being in the living room and shouts joyfully `Alright Squire?!`
Oh fuck off.
5 EXHIBITIONIST: When he has a bath, he always leaves the door open, hoping that I`ll walk in on him soaping himself (and his sinister feet) in his Body Shop Strawberry Body Balm.
My, what a vivid imagination.
6 HARINGAY: To make more `friends` on the list, he contemplated calling himself `The Earl of Chorltonville`.
What can this mean? I don't understand.
7 STUDENT: He has a picture of Steve Lamacq on the living room wall-and refuses to remove it.
Very true, no-one wears DMs and says 'whoop' with quite the same finesse as our favourite indie-guru.
8 DEVIANT: He really fancies Emmy-Kate from Kenickie and Manda-Rin from Bis. He is also partial to hairy armpits and sweat.
You're saying this like it's a bad thing....and you forgot leather trousers.
9 CHILD: He insists on using words like `boobs` and `willy` when any real man uses words like 'tits' and 'cock'.
Poo-hole.
10 DAILY MAIL READER: He really loves `gentle` sit-coms of a sunday evening,like `You rang M`Lud` and `Oh, Dr. Beeching`.
Now that one really hurts.
11 IRRITATING: I can hear him snore from 3 rooms away,
Only to drown out the sound of vomiting from the bathroom.
and sometimes it even wakes me up.
... disturbs your nocturnal fantasies, you mean.
12 LANDLORD: He charges me £35 rent a week, although, after this, I don`t think I`ll need to worry about that anymore.
I think you may be right. Anyone want to take him off my hands, he's housetrained, well, after a fashion ... and if you don't mind a drunken fool singing along with Lovejoy's rendition of 'Avalon' at 4 a.m., practically crying (like a girl) when his beloved Port Vale sold his favourite player - winger 'Super' John McCarthy, telling you repeatedly about his copy of Tigermilk .... he'll be in a cardboard box by Chorlton Street Bus Station, near the prostitutes, as always. And like Paul 'Gary Glitter' Mitchell, he's *very* fond of children. Yours, living alone at last, Tag ----------------------------------------------------------------------- . This message was brought to you by the Sinister mailing list. . To send to the list please mail "sinister@majordomo.net". . For subscribing, unsubscribing and other list information please see . http://www.majordomo.net/sinister . For questions about how the list works mail owner-sinister@majordomo.net . We're all happy bunnies humming happy bunny tunes. Aren't we? -----------------------------------------------------------------------