so i've been sitting in my room and listening to b&s alot. and alot of really sad slow music. autumn is my favorite time of year, yet i feel miserable. i go to school, then come home and have absolutely no energy or desire to do anything. sometimes i end up going out with my friends but once i am out i just want to go home and sleep. i dont know why i am so sad lately. i guess maybe it is because i am stuck in this routine of school and work and just living here in a place that i am sick of with nothing new or exciting left to see or do. i try so hard to see the value of everything i have, and i feel selfish for even thinking this way. i mean there are people out there starving in some third world country and here i am bitching about how sad i am, like it's the worst thing to ever happen in the world. i dont mean to be selfish though..i just want to be happy, or at least semi-happy. (i am of the opinion that noone is really ever 100 percent happy unless they are lying to themselves). i spend my time listening to music and alternating between cups of hot tea with too much sugar, and bottles of hard lemonade. maybe it is the whole boy situation that makes me feel sad. here i am, with a boy who likes me and what do i do? well i decide i dont really want him at all, even though 2 weeks ago i thought he was the cutest thing i had ever seen. here he is being so sweet to me and what do i do? i date other boys and didnt even tell him about it even though i know should have at least mentioned it. when things got more serious with us i stopped seeing the other boys though. i don't want to hurt anyone, but yet that is what i always end up doing. i am stuck in this horrible rut and no matter how hard i try to see the light at the end of the tunnel, it just seems like everything around me is pitch black and i'm left stumbling alone in the darkness.. i just thought id share this all with you, maybe someone here feels the same way and knowing that there is someone else who feels the same way is comforting..i know when i am sad i tend to feel disconnected from everyone. isolated..and i know there are people out there who feel this way too, but unless i actually hear someone else say it i still end up feeling like i am the only one.. that all for now..oh, does anyone know whether the new hefner cd got released in the us? its suppose to be out but i think it just got released in the uk as of now, since i cant seem to find it anywhere.. lauren "i'm trying to drink away the part of the day that i can't sleep away-mm" +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "peculiarly deranged fanbase" "frighteningly named +-+ +-+ Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+