Hello! Isobel article from an in-flight toerag got me thinking. Did the scrote who wrote that consider it in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM INTERESTING??? She's PRACTICAL! She has a house! She was uh, born! C:\Duh!* I could pull better writing out of my ARSE! In fact this morning I found a short novella written in the Raymond Chandler style up there, but needed it to uh, clean up. But anyway. I can't afford a house. But no honestly, I *care* that she can. I *care*. Do any lucky listees own their own houses? I know at least four people on this list who have mortgages, and I'll guesstimate for a few of you they won't be far off.... but do not fear! I have a solution to poor people who can't afford to buy houses in Partick, or Parbold, or even a parboiled egg (I *have* been that poor)! Take heart and cheer from Isobel.
From scraping the bottom of the sandwich development section at Pret to Caledonian fame! ( I actually feel quite ashamed..)
You mean you don't know? Ah this takes me back. Once upon a time, Isobel was a crackin' sandwich developer for Pret a Manger. Amongst her many great inventions were mutton, pear and salvation wraps, tar, tartar and taramasalata (nearly!) baguettes and her pish pie and prophylactics range. She was the queen of sandwich development! BUT! Ohhhhhhh my friends, but. There was a HARSH side to this girl, a harsh side usually unassociated with the friendly and team player friendly world of making butties. Because of her, well, undoubted genius in crafting lunch time perfection, her co-workers would put up a lot from her. Her somewhat unorthodox views concerning squirrels (framed in formaldehyde above her workstation) just had to be let go as "cute eccentricity". She also went through a load of tomato ketchup every day, sometimes those red (RED!! RED!!) stains wouldn't come out of her pinny. But still! Great sandwiches! Until that one day when the truth came out!! <flashback> Little Stevie Malkmus was working late one day. Try his hardest, he and his colleague (the cheery one from Kraftwerk) just couldn't beat Isobels sandwich design. Always overlooked for promotion, they were working late one night, when they heard An Insane Cackling Sound coming from her penthouse lair! Golly gosh, said the chirpy one, what the chuff were that? Geez dude I don't know, said S.M. Hoox me up with some more basil! The cackling sound came again! Blimey charlie, said happy Kraftwerk man, we should go have a sken at that. Sigh, okay, said S.Malk. And what did they see!!!! ISOBEL! standing there! A knife in her hand! Covered head to toe in red (RED!! RED!!) liquid!!! And with the other hand she was holding aloft a swan, with a severed neck! Try as he might, little Stevie Malky couldn't hold back his revulsion! BLUGGGH he went, and vommed all over his brand new Converse. Isobel turns round. AaaAAaaaAAAah she said, in that bizarre upper/lower case mix favoured by Velocity Girl, you've seen my secret ritual of slaughtering swans!! You know my secret swan strength! And with that she backed towards the window and PLUNGED herself through it! ARGRHHHHHHHHH and EEEEEEK she screamed! The last thing I heard was her screaming... "Swan Sandwich For You"! Apparently now she's all clean and never thinks about Those Creatures anymore. The swans gain is sandwich makings loss. But what if she ever decided to go down that evil road again... </flashback>. Geez. That was a long way to go for such a let down joke wasn't it? But you get it? Geddit, right? RIGHT? Ah fuck it. I should maybe go and do some work. That joke was really funny this morning, believe it or not... Love, Sarah xx *How geeky and nerdy is that? It's bad enough as it is, but DOUBLY cos I nicked it from Aunt Zelda on Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Incidentally, I saw the movie of that show on Channel 5 post-Aislers Set in Nottingham fun, my GOSH! Pas tres bon! +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+