hello, this is my first post. i�ve been too scared to post, because you all seem so witty and clever, and write much better than i could ever write. but there�s this one thing that makes every day almost unbearable. i�d like to know how long did it take for you to get over someone, i mean when she or he has broken up with you? my boyfriend ended our relationship already 6 months ago, on december 21st around 22.35 (10.35pm). and i haven�t gotten over it. i cry like everyday, almost constantly. i just don�t know what to do. i don�t have any like minded friends, he was my best friend, and it�s just all gone. we had the same taste in music. i thought we were meant for each other, i was convinced that we�d be together for the rest of our lives. the reason why he broke up with me, was because i am too sad so that i made him sad. but now he has a new girlfriend. and i�m planning my funeral. living has become so difficult, cos everytime i hear some love song or something i have to plug my ears, when i see a happy couple i have to close my eyes, when i hear kissing sounds i have to go and bang my head against the wall. i can�t even listen to some of my favourite bands or albums like: -kings of convenience -bob hund�s �jag rear ut min sj�l� -super furry animals esp. �rings around the world� (i happened to see sfa on conan and it felt awful) -the delgados -the divine comedy all i have left is nick drake, the smiths and classical music, cos those don�t remind me of him. i watch news and crime films, cos there isn�t usually anything about love in them. i borrowed liszt�s cd from the library, cos it got this one piece in it called �fun�railles� and it�s just incredibly beautiful. i listen to it constantly. actually i went to see claude chabrol�s �merci puor le chocolat� and they played it in it and it sounded so gorgeous. i�m terrified about this summer. last summer was the best that i ever had. and i just keep thinking about it. and i also think that what he is doing with her. sometimes i wake up with that thought in my mind and i can�t get back to sleep. i still have dreams about him, like last night. but i can�t remember it right now. i�m so naive that i thought no b&s fan would be like that, i mean at first he said how i was someone he had for long wanted to find and be with. i knitted him mittens for x-mas present and i made this heart on the palm side, so he has my heart in his hand, like i gave it to him. i didn�t plan it that way, the heart on the palm side, it was a mistake, cos i didn�t notice that i had already made a thumb on that side, but then i realized what it could symbolize. he cried when i explained it to him. he wrote me a fairy tale. about us. last x-mas i was making him woolly socks and again i had designed this heart shape pattern on them. (i know boring, but i never know what to get) and then when i was knitting them he phoned and said we should break up. i still got my cell phone full of his text messages, and when we were together i use to write them down. i�ve got two little books full of his messages. i just fear that i never get over this/him, i just miss him so much and i want him back. and i hate myself for ruining the whole thing, and being too sad.. and i�m so tired of crying, but i can�t stop. and i also fear that i turn into some horrible cynical person, who detestes happy people, and love. just like that hobbit from �lord of the rings� named gollum (?!). i want to love and feel being loved, and i want to cuddle and kiss and do things together, but i don�t want to wait ten years to get it. i want it now. i�m sorry for this post. thanks if you could read it through. yours truly, puluxxx (finland) __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! - Official partner of 2002 FIFA World Cup http://fifaworldcup.yahoo.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+