Hewwo, How's tricks everyone? I was walking about in a little bubble today. Except that I wasn't walking. Because I was in bed with the flu, again. I get sick too much, I think I'll fail all my exams. I was thinking a lot about James the Ginger Perv. This is partly because I just found out that in the infinite moke-ishness of James the Ginger Perv, I can't actually let any human being come near me in a (whisper it) s-e-x-y way, because all I can think about is him forcing himself on me and laughing and saying I was being a tease and I wanted it really. Don't get me wrong, the moke didn't rape me or anything, he just did other interferey things, which I now realise made me a little more than stupid for believing him each time he said he was sorry and wouldn't do it again. And I thought, 'oh, it's ok, he's just mad, I can do what I usually do with mad people and help them out' . But he wasn't mad, he knew what he was doing. He told me he'd get me over my hangups about sex, whether I liked it or not. But I think he made the hangups. So there's a sobering thought. I wonder how long it's going to be before I can actually let someone near me for any length of time. Well, I won't be going near him again. Or actually, now that I've found out about that interesting little quirk he's left me with, i might go near him one more time to castrate him with a rusty spike. But that's all talk, because I wouldn't ever do that, really. Also in my week of fun and illness, I just discovered that my (ex) friend worships hitler and I've found my mailbox clogged up with graphic photos of dead and mutilated babies, hilter, more dead babies, and (surprise surprise) people eating dead babies. Oh what fun that wasn't. Oh, on a good note, they're making Creme Eggs again, which is grate. They go so well with Ribena. And my maybe boyfriend is taking me out to lunch. Except, maybe I should stop calling him my maybe boyfriend, and just go to plain old boyfriend. Oh, the novelty of seeing a boy or girl who doesn't turn out to be a rapist, pyro, perv, dominatrix or Dr Who fan. I mean, I don't think he's an actual satanist... I really wanted to say something about B&S, something cool or interesting or unusual. But instead I've been doing the bad 'dear sinister you are my diary' thing, which i unreservedly apologise for. 'She's Losing It' is a really good song. I like Tigermilk. It's a good relatey album. I don't think there's a single song on that I can't identify with in some way. Except 'You're Just a Baby". I like it, but I can't get the image of child abuse already set by She's Losing It, out of my head, and it just seems like a peadophile anthem to me. Sorry, I've become all warped and I just want to sit and cry and cry and cry. But not to B&S, because that would be trite. I just want to sit in a little room all by myself where there's no one left to hit me, and cry and sniffle and feel bad, then come out all strong and self explored and all that American TV stuff, and I will just stand up in front of them all and I will say that I'm not afraid any more, of them. And they won't be able to touch me ever again. But we all know that never happens, especially because I feel like poo, and I'm ill so ignore me, I'm insane. Bye bye, and sorry, Hugs, Jen +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "peculiarly deranged fanbase" "frighteningly named +-+ +-+ Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+