I know Danny will know all this, as he's heard from me separately, but I always feel it's so important to mark time and loss, and Sinister seems to be being hurt badly recently, with the loss of two lovely people. I knew Amy through the list of course, and through the #sinister chatroom in Sinister's "Amy years" of 2001 and 2002 and she just was a joy: always a lightning bundle of fizzing energy, and so inclusive and kind to all. She was the only Sinister member who apparently made up poems about me in her head while shaving her legs. I never got to hear one, sadly. I don't know what to say without making it sound like an elegy, but, as with Liz, I just feel such an urge to call out to them that they'll not be forgotten. Like Danny and James, I've long ago dropped my fierce teenage clinging to religious belief as a way through, and am still to come to terms with a world where people disappearing makes any sense. Yet, as with everyone who dies, it feels like such a cruel thing to use the past tense and I always pull back from it, as if it's bad grammar or just nonsensical. I still talk and think of my mum in the present, and she was gone before Sinister was even born. I wish she'd been here to meet you all (she'd have loved everything about this list), and I'm sure she'd have mailed you all more frequently than me. Maybe my intuition's trying to tell me something: regardless, there's a candle lit today by my bed, it smells sweet and gentle and it's for you, Amy. Cardamon and orange, if you need to know. Danny, I can tell already from our mails and hearing from your elsewhere that you're strong enough to get through this: or not through, but with this. To all those who knew and loved Amy much better than me, love love. Honey +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+