hello y'all. i share a birthday with sinister, dontcha know? well, at least i think i do. 27th august, yeah? wow. i feel so special. and struan's birthday is only two days before that. :o) now you all have no excuse for not getting me nice shiny presents. i am also hijacking the august nationalpopleague for my birthday purposes. come one, come all, dance and be merry. (and if you can't wait that long, then how about tonight?) apologies to all who replied to my last post. i meant to reply after having spoken to my little boy, but that hasn't happened yet. the fates are conspiring against me. every time we plan to meet and *talk*, something comes up. dinner with my grandparents, his boss being arrested for fraud, his friends turning up, etc, etc.... i am happy now though. :o) i haven't cried in a while, and although i had a bad day on wednesday, i've been giddy like a schoolgirl most of the time. i just want the ambiguity and awkwardness to go away, and to get on with being friends. i think i can handle that, as long as i get to see him often. im coming up with new and interesting ways of having to go see him. yesterday i decided to send a letter to my friend who's in bolivia for the summer, (he works in a post office). today im thinking of sending a postcard to a friend in america. this is what i dont want though. to seem like a stalker. i just want to be friends, but until i talk to him he won't know what i want. and i won't/don't have a clue what he's thinking. i was supposed to be going to the cinema with him tonight before popleague, but he's cancelled on me (im trying not to let the paranoia get to me. he cancelled cos he's tired, not because he hates me. im pretty sure). it's just so frustrating. i had convinced myself all would be well once i had talked to him. and although i still kind of believe that, im doubting it more as the time passes. i will make sure i talk to him soon. im just not sure when that will be. but thanks to everyone who emailed to let me know what they thought, or just to wish me good luck. it did kinda rekindle my passion for sinister. not that i had started to dislike you, or anything, of course not. it's just that when i joined i had this rush of passion about you. so new, so interesting, so inspiring, like i had found something i was missing all my life. and then, just through familiarity, no fault of yours, my dearest sinister, it becomes the norm. and although posts can still make my heart leap, there wasn't that same spark about it that i used to feel. it's the same with anything though. change for change's sake is a good thing. however wonderful your life is, if you dont change it about a bit, or find new, interesting facets to it, it will drift into routine. it's the edinburgh picnic tomorrow. hope there shall be a bumper crowd. i am working all afternoon, so might not be there til later on, so dont start any of the debauchery til i get there, you hear me? good. did anybody hear belle and sebastian on the radio? (i think there might be a song in there somewhere) i did not, unforunately. i was coming back from a flathunting trip to edinburgh (where i managed to bump into caitlin) and when i realised i wouldnt make it back for the start, i hung about the centre of glasgow. just couldn't face going back to see the family. *cringe* i need to move out very very quickly. shouldnt be too long now though. but just cos i wasnt there doesnt mean to say i cant listen to it. i am actually doing so as i type. to listen, go here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/alt/johnpeel/index.shtml well, i do have many more interesting things to say, but ive just received a phone call telling me im needed in work early. so better go. hope all is well with everyone, and thanks again for all your help/advice/other. shall see some of you tonight at the ol' popleague, i hope. and some tomorrow at the picnic. hope everyone has a good weekend. michael, smiling at the world.xx "get out of your apartment. meet a member of the opposite sex. stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. quit your job. start a fight. prove your alive. if you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic." - tyler durden. _________________________________________________________________ Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. 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