Belle & Sebastian: the forgotten protagonists. part one of an occasional series - 'my crippled friend' One bright and sunny day, Frank decided to go for a walk to the butchers, despite his crippled leg. It was so nice out, after all. He didn't want to buy anything, he was just going to look, for they had the finest selection of meats in all of town. Off he went, hobbling along merrily when all of a sudden he saw an elderly gentleman standing in his way. The elderly gentleman, despite his many and ancient years, fired a stone in Frank's direction. The stone flew past Frank's ears leaving him aghast. "Do not throw your stone at me, for I have a crippled leg!", he told the elderly gent. The gent looked to the ground in shame and Frank, feeling vindicated, continued on his meaty errand. As he passed the post office, he saw a young man wearing boxing gloves. His face lit up as he recognised the man as his young friend Struan, out walking his dad for the day. "Hello there, young Struan", said Frank, but the young man said not a thing. Instead, he popped a jab in Frank's direction, almost knocking the golden filling from his jippy molar. Frank stared at his young assailant in disbelief before admonishing him thusly: "Don't pop a jab at me, young Struan, for I have a crippled leg!" Frank got away quickly, for it seemed that Struan had moved to kick his crutches. And that would never do. Frank was almost at the butchers, wondering allowed what had become of his lovely day, when he saw a poor beggar by the roadside. In an effort to improve his dreadful luck via the gift of the beatles' karma, he limped over to the poor beggar, for to give him a crown. As he leaned towards the beggars upturned hat, he heard a nasty sound from the begging throat. Then a huge lungful of gob emerged from twixt the beggarlips and hit Frank - full in the face! Frank turned to the beggar in disgust saying: "Do not spit at me Mr. Beggar, for I have a crippled leg!" So the beggar smote him with a leg-iron and Frank dropped to the floor. "For why did you do such a thing?" said Frank through the use of his penultimate breath. "Because I wanted to be on TV's Esther Rantzen", replied the beggar, setting off for the BBC's Birmingham studios. "For why did you smite the cripple man, Beggar?", shouted TV's Esther Rantzen gustily to the approval of her family audience family. "I love you, Esther", gasped the beggarman then through a veil of tears. And so Esther forgave the beggar and brought him on holidays to her caravan in Wales, where, for many days and nights, they stayed up making babies. One of them may possibly have had a gammy leg. +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list please mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". For list archives and searching, list rules, FAQ, poor jokes etc, see http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +---+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" +---+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+