Who was in the gorilla suit? That's easy. What happened was this: - whilst relaxing before the show, Tom Jones caught a glimpse of lovely Isobel and asked if she'd keep a welcome in her valley for him after their respective performances. Isobel replied that she was sorry but she never cops off with Welsh perverts, so sod off you sheepshagging taffy tosspot. Tom, used to getting his own way with the ladies, was naturally fuming, sitting in the corner moaning why can't this crazy love be mine and so on. Ever the ruthless businessman, Staurt Murdoch spotted his chance and went over to whipser in the Cardiff Lothario's ear. He offered to sort him out with Isobel, school uniform and the lot, in return for the chance to do a fantastic LLPJ duet on Tom's next duet album of duets. Staurt's plan was for Tom Jones to dress up in a gorilla suit and attack him during "Legal Man". Staurt would then use his boxing skills to deck the fucker. Isobel, true to form, would think it was a real gorilla and take it back to her dressing room to look after it, and Tom Jones, without ever removing his gorilla suit, would cunningly seduce her and make love to her, or at least get a look at her knickers, before clambering out of the window and shinning up the drainpipe. Unfortunately Stuart hit him too hard and gave him priapism and he had to go and see a Harley Street nob specialist instead of getting his end away. So there, another mystery solved. You say there's a prize for this? Speaking of underwear, a listee who shall remain nameless suggested I make a periscope out of a cornflakes packet and two mirrors. Well thanks, Big Dave, if I had a cornflakes packet that big, I wouldn't need a periscope because I'd spend all day marvelling at my enormous cornflakes packet. An interesting article in the paper yesterday, regarding a new publishing emporium, called Attack Gore. They've published books called "Satan, Satan, Satan" and "Sex, Sweat, Blood", described by The Big Issue as "an attack of sex, drugs and violence that make Quentin Tarantino look like Mary Poppins". The article concludes, "In October, "Tits Out" by Steven Wells will appear." Now there's a turn up. Peter +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "peculiarly deranged fanbase" "frighteningly named +-+ +-+ Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+