>>>> >>>>To My Dear Wife: >>>> >>>>During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. >>>>I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten >days. >>>>The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: >>>> >>>>-54 times the sheets were clean >>>>-17 times it was too late >>>>-49 times you were too tired >>>>-20 times it was too hot >>>>-15 times you pretended to be asleep >>>>-22 times you had a headache >>>>-17 times you were afraid of waking the baby >>>>-16 times you said you were too sore >>>>-12 times it was the wrong time of the month >>>>-19 times you had to get up early >>>>- 9 times you said you weren't in the mood >>>>- 7 times you were sunburned >>>>- 6 times you were watching the late show >>>>- 5 times you didn't want to mess you new hair-do >>>>- 3 times you said the neighbours would hear us >>>> >>>>Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory >>>>because: >>>> >>>>- 6 times you just layed there >>>>- 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling >>>>- 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with >>>>- 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished >>>>- and one time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move >>>> >>>> >>>>To My Dear Husband: >>>> >>>>I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you >>>>didn't get more than you did: >>>> >>>>- 5 times you came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat >>>>- 36 times you did not come home at all >>>>- 21 times you didn't cum >>>>- 33 times you came too soon >>>>- 19 times you were soft before you got in >>>>- 38 times you worked too late >>>>- 10 times you got cramps in your toes >>>>- 29 times you had to get up early to play golf >>>>- 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls >>>>- 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper >>>>- 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running >>>>- 2 times you had a splinter in your finger >>>>- 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day >>>>- 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book >>>>- 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV >>>> >>>>Of the times we did get together, the reasons I laid still was >>because: >>> >>>> >>>>- You missed and were fucking the sheets >>>>- I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, >>>>"would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" >>>>- The time you felt me move, was because you farted and I was trying >>>>to breathe >>>> >>>>HEH HEH!! >>>> >>>>I have a game for you. Once you read this letter, you have to keep it >>>>going. You must send this letter to 7 people within 5 days. On the >5th >>>>day someone will ask you out or say "I love you". This is not a joke. >>>It >>>>has worked for many years. If you break the chain, you will have bad >>>>luck forever. >>>> >>>>* If you read this letter on a Sunday, wish for a really fun week. >>>>* If you read this letter on a Monday, wish for money. >>>>* If you read this letter on a Tuesday, wish for love. >>>>* If you read this letter on a Wednesday, wish for success. >>>>* If you read this letter on a Thursday, wish for anything you want. >>>>* If you read this letter on a Friday, wish for a hot date. >>>>* If you read this letter on a Saturday, wish for an important phone >>>>call >>>> >>>>Send this to seven people (after you make a wish). >>>>REMEMBER, make a wish, send this letter (and hope it happens). >>>> >>>>Good Luck!! >>>
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Jeff .-""-. (___/\ \ , (|^ ^ ) ) /( _)_\=_/ ( ,..__/ `\ ____(_/_ ` \ ) `\ _/ _/---._/(_)_ `\ ( '--\ `-.__..-' /. (_), | ) `._ ___\_____.'_| |__/ `~----"` `-.........'
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