Hullo sinister. So here is finally my long-postponed post. I cant say that Im disappointed with the year as a whole, though Im now almost back to the miserable state I was in a year ago. So what happened in-between? I always used to wonder how I would survive the winter, and a year ago it was worse than ever. I was still in school (dont know what its called in England, but whatever it is you go to before collage/university) and I disdained the place. Ive never had many friends and much less a girlfriend. But somehow I managed to pull through and summer came and I graduated. I was hoping things would change. In the summer the days are light as feathers and I was anxious for what would come next. I was going to study musicology at the university in a city nearby. And the first day there didnt let me down. There was a girl there that I had spoken with briefly at a festival that summer. How big are the odds for that? I couldnt help but wonder if it was fate. I talked with her quite a lot afterwards and it turned out she liked exactly the same music as me. And I thought: at last a girl who can just be my friend, and I was sure I wasnt going to fuck it up and fall in love with her. But I had to reconsider soon. Just a couple of weeks later I wrote a song about it. I predicted I would fall for her as soon as the leaves would start falling in autumn. And I was right. In fact every song Ive written since I met her has got something to do with her. Wait, it hasnt all been about her. There were lots of nice people in my class. I was half in love with several girls. I also joined a program at the student radio that plays indie music. There I met some lovely people too. And on Fridays night I would go to a students club and watch indie bands and dance. The day Pipas came here was the best day Ive had for years. Now I could look all the indie hipsters, who either had a band or did something else to make them important, in the eye and think that I wasnt just a nobody. And all the other days it would be enough just talking to Lisa (thats her name, by the way). But it wasnt always easy and I needed to know how to proceed. So as a Christmas gift I gave her a mixed cd with the song Id written on it. But it was already too late. The last day I saw her before the holidays, as we hugged and parted, I had already fallen in love (although I knew I shouldnt). So when I called her later and she didnt want to meet I cried. That was all the answer I needed to know that shell never love me. Suddenly I was back at the bottom, but the worst thing was to find out Id never really been at the surface. I just feel so stupid for being happy these last six months. And now I dont know what to do or feel at all. My life is still promising I guess, but its going to be so hard to look her in the eye and still I need her to be my best friend. So Im back where I was six months ago, and I shouldnt be sad. Im writing my fanzine too. I hope she will write something for it love, Chris xx -- ______________________________________________ Check out the latest SMS services @ http://www.linuxmail.org This allows you to send and receive SMS through your mailbox. Powered by Outblaze +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+