It is my birthday. I spent it with my therapist who told me today that the only emotion I react to is sadness. I can't help it but for the past three years thats the only emotion I have had.(It his fault, he won't give me drugs as it isn't chemical). I know somewhere out there, there is a place where I will be happy. I know it is there because when I want to see it, it is there but like my eye sight it is becoming out of focus. I am 24 and I am sure I am having my mid twenties breakdown. I was sitting at work the other day and started crying uncontrollably (not for the first time) because I was sure the words on the sheet said something completely different to what they really did say. I am sure the early stages of alzimers is setting in. My mother is only sixty this year and 9 times out of 10 has to be reminded who I am. When I call her Mum she calls me mum back. It hurt me so much. She is still there but gone. I just hate London it traps me and it won't let me go. I can't get away from it. My therapist tells me this place I dream of arriving at and suddenly being happy doesn't exsist. i am just kidding myself. He says if I don't deal with my problems I'll never be happy no matter where I turn to. I need a therapist who comforts not scares. Kathyn ________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "peculiarly deranged fanbase" "frighteningly named +-+ +-+ Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+