Hello ahain (Note to Self: ahain should be spelt AGAIN) (Self: Roger that.) Hello Again, Last week I was making a cup coffee and after pouring in the milk, I had this momentary lapse of reason and instead of putting the milk back in the fridge, I put it in the cupboard. Have you ever done this? I actually did a similar thing the other day. I was driving home from work and instead of driving home I flew to Geraldton, Western Australia. It was really embarrassing. Another time I went to hang the washing on the line and I ended up driving a bullock plough across a rice paddock in the mountains of Cambodia. Boy, was my face red. I was walking near my house and I walked past this grass paddock that had a sign on the fence that said "CAUTION HORSES. DO NOT ENTER" And I thought "what a shame that horses can't go in there because it was a perfect horse paddock. It had hay bales and stables and water troughs. How inappropriate. Here is a perfect horse enclosure and they're not allowed in. I mean, that's ludicrous. I felt personally offended by that. Although as I walked past a little bit more, I noticed that a couple of horses had actually snuck in and were eating a bit of the hay, so that cheered me up a bit. Aren't jellyfish weird? When God was making all the animals he was famished and so went on a lunch break. He took a bit of chill time and he had a snack, and everyone knows that God was quite partial to a jelly-based treat. And he was looking at it and thought "I like this jelly. Thy jelly speaks to thee." And I'm quoting this from the Bible, it's from the original texts. And God said "I will make thee into an animal," So he brought it to life and he sat and looked at his creation but he felt it lacked something. Just then Moses wandered into the holy snack room and fixed himself some rice pudding for he was famished from having parted thy sea. And Moses said to God "I know what it's lacking. It needs arms and legs and eyes and ears and a mouth and a nose." And hearing this God said unto Moses "Moses, why don't you just get the hell out of here. You've made me lose my train of thought." After looking at the jellyfish for a long while God said "I know, I've got it! What this jellyfish needs is thousands upon thousands of poisonous stinging tentacles. Of course! Not another thing." And Moses said "But God, what about a brain. Everything needs a brain?" And God slowly pointed his finger at Moses and said "Moses, I'm telling you for the last time, just back off. I make the animals here. I decide whom will get a brain and you part the seas and do things relating the parting of seas." And that's a true story kids. You probably never heard that story growing up at Sunday school and I think that's a real shame. The world's all the more poorer for the lack of it. I think one of the most optimistic animals is the ant. When you're standing in you're garden, these little things the size of a pin head just charge up to you and bite you between the toes as hard as they can. What do they think they're actually doing? They're saying "You're going down buddy. Come on, bring it on. I wanna see what you got! What are you scared? C'mon!" Very optimistic. Because of course you then reach down and kill them. I think it's a pretty well known fact that cats don't like the beach. They don't like the ocean, they don't like the sand and I think I know why. When we look at the sand, we simply see a beach. When a cat looks at the sand, all it sees is a giant kitty litter box and this intimidates them. This amount of diversity of choice of places to shit is all too confronting for them, too much to comprehend and quite frankly, they don't feel comfortable with it. Well there, I think all the important issues have been covered..........oh wait, yeah. Belle & Sebastian. Right, of course. What a great band. They're definately my favourite. That Stuart character; what a guy. Isobel? Isn't she delightfully foxy. Indeed. Best (and worst dressed) wishes, Steven +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+