wasn't it just lovely weather today? sigh. i am just happy right now. ever since that stupid boy broke my heart for the last time right before this past new year's eve, my new year has been wonderful. for once in so many years my life seems to be on track and i like it. before being content with all of the miserableness that was and was not self inflicted was okay. that was what content was. nope. this is content. and though i might not feel this happy all the time, knowing that it's possible to is now enough to keep me trucking through the bad days. sheesh. even know, it's weird to hear me type like this. strange. things keep moving and going forward. i guess that's what life is all about. hmm. first things first. i would like to publically thank my valentine for the treasures he has bestowed upon me. he must now revel in the glow that he has made a simple girl on the west coast very happy. +++ i have a real date on friday. this will be the second 'official' date of my 21 years of life. and i'm actually excited about it. which is weird because on my first date ever in my first 20 years of life, the poor guy. (we ended up being good friends and roomies later. anyway.) i couldn't even eat when he took me to dinner because i was so nervous. and then we missed the movie because i was late because i got lost. it was a mess. and remember the second boy from my other post? well, he was supposed to take me on my second date, but the whole time before he stood me up, i was trying to think of ways to get out of it. this time, i am looking forward to my date. let's call him J. he's 27. i've never dated a guy that much older before. and he's a college english professor too. he teaches english at a vocational school and a community college while working towards his masters in english. but in grad school he was a film minor, i believe, at ucla. undergrad at ucsb. i don't know how i ended up with such a smart boy. and he's funny and adorable too. anyway, it's just really weird. it's weird because usually i would be either having a panic attack or falling in love right away. the only conclusion i can think of at this moment is that now that i have stopped searching for 'the one' i can relax a bit and have some fun with nice boys without being a dramatic drama queen with the constant bleeding heart. but then again. who knows where the next week will take me. i'm basically trying to keep the mentality that J. is a nice boy (well, i guess he can't be a boy being 6 years older...) and i hope that we can spend time together and share fun times and warm memories. though most of you (who wouldn't be reading this paragraph anyway) probably either delete my posts or just read the first half and get bored...i'll keep you all posted! :) +++ i loved lindseylou's post about valentine's day. well, i always love her posts, but this one especially. i admit that i have read it a few times over and over. i'm sending you a *hug* for a just because. +++ kirsten kenyon posted:
i find my hand jamming a cigarette between my lips instead. good move, i think. the cigarettes. after buying gumdrops at walgreens, i had a cup of coffee. i realized that the gumdrops just weren't cutting it. being too lazy to trudge three blocks back to walgreen's in the rain, i forked over $6.50 for gauloises at some snooty smokeshop with shiny floors and leather sofas. taking into account my current financial state, i should not be spending $6.50 on cigarettes.
and my lovey matthew posted:
I've looked everywhere. It is now official. This entire city has run out of my cigarettes. I'm a bit upset about that. I just don't know what to do.
i need a cigarette right now actually. i would just like to bitch once about the price of cigarettes. i mean, give an addict a break! kirsten, i usually try to not think about my financial situation before or during the purchase. i find that it helps to contemplate the money spent while enjoying the first drag off the first cigarette AFTER the purchase. does anyone else who smokes suffer from the "i really should quit" thoughts...until you smoke another cigarette and you can't imagine life without the nicotine. it really is a disgusting habit and i don't know if i'm doing a good job trying to romanticise it. err, if i'm doing any job at all. actually, i think i'm discouraging future smokers to not smoke... well, i must go fold laundry now before getting ready for the job. i'm sorry that i didn't make too much sense. i'm not used to being awake this early. i promise the next one will make a bigger effort at it's articulate-ness. my lazy ass is off to work, sara __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Sports - Coverage of the 2002 Olympic Games http://sports.yahoo.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+