.. Would be a possible shopping list for someone shopping in TESCOs. The more I think the more I get disturbed by the prospects that one could be obsessed with the supermarket, but I think I am. Especially the huge ones, because they're so huge, and that someone had built it. Sometimes I walk along the town I would look at the brickwalls and houses and bridges and imagine when they were being built, and how proud they must feel that they made something that would probably still be there in 100 years, or if they're lucky be found in godknowshowlong later by some archeologists who'd think that the underpass through a dual carriageway was some religious shrine and that there's some divine meaning to the words "KEN WOZ ERE". But after thinking that, the empire of reality would always strike back, and I'd remember about that smelly nob of a bricklayer who jumped to the bar in front of me, and any kind of romantic thoughts would immediately cease. Anyway, I digress like lava at the end of archetypal volcano movies, I was talking about supermarkets, well I had a bit of adverture there last night, first I picked up some spring onions, and carefully placed it in one of those clear plastic bags, and tied one of those clever knots that you do to clear plastic bags, placed it in my trolley and carried on shopping. Bought all the essential ingredients for making a curry, like curry powder, and a crate of beer, and went to the check-out. I parked my trolley neatly at the end of one of the check-out queues, until an old lady decided to park her trolley aloneside, in parallel with, and right next to mine, so very naturally as if it were a normal, rational, and sane thing to do! It was so weird, but I remembered that sign on the London Underground that said "Please give up your place to the elderly and thus mentally insane", so I moved myself onto the next counter without an argument. Okay okay I moved because I was cared of her because she looked like an evil version of Dot Cotton! She's probably a brick layer. I bet it was one of those prank TV shows where they put unsuspecting people through weird situations and see how they respond - I always get paranoid about being on one of those shows and so I always have to make sure that I'm absolutely on my own before I do embarassing things like picking my nose then biting my nails (um, I'm joking here) - if you see a pretty Chinese boy on TV getting bullied by an evil looking version of Dot Cotton of Eastenders, that'd be me. BUT that's not the main story, the main story is that when I got to the other check-out, and put all my shopping to the CBP: Conveyer Belt of Payment, MY SPRING ONIONS DISAPPEARED! I looked everywhere for it, and it was nowhere to be seen, and I checked every inch of my trolley and there wasn't a gap that my poor green produce could have fallen through. So I concluded that it was either: 1) magic 2) an I.S.O.T. - INTERNATIONAL SPRING ONION THIEF 3) I was on one of those prank shows where they steal spring onions off you and see how you'd react - if you see a pretty chinese boy looking like a grade A plonker rummaging through his shopping, that'd be me. Never mind. A good thing that happened today is that my temps agency gives out free sandwiches and crisps every Friday, and this afternoon I have received some of the most bizarre flavours of sandwiches and crisps, namely "Chicken and Stuffing Sandwiches", and "Spring Onion flavoured crisps"?! On the Ingredients of the Crisps it said... Ingredients: Potatoes, Vegetable Oil, Spring Onion Flavour (Maltodextrin - salt - dried onion - sugar - dried yeast extract - dried whole milk - dried yeast - potassium chloride - flavouring - sunflower oil - malic acid - dried garlic - wheat flour) Yes, I think the I.S.O.T. had got them too. Spring Onions and Red Bulls Ken _________________________________________________________________ Join the worlds largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail. http://www.hotmail.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+