you know when everything gets so frustrating and you get this spring in your stomach and it's about to break and you just want to hit something. well i felt like that on sunday. my mum said it might help if i went for a walk and took a break from revision. so i cued up my walkman with a tape of b&s eps and began to stroll off up the road up the big hill. it was llpj so i started quite fast (i know it's silly but its hard *not* to walk in time to the music). but as i got further up the hill the songs got sadder and everything seemed to be reminding me of the boy i like because we used to go on walks that way together. and he is the boy who plays bass guitar, so there is an obvious link there in you made me forget my dreams. so i started walking slower and slower and i got to this bit where you can see down over the town, so i stopped and was looking at the view, feeling all upset and nostalgic. i had my holey jumper on. and my hair was a mess. and my eyes were all tired looking from weeks of revision and lack of sleep. hell, if i'd stumbled across myself i would've been scared. this couple came jogging up the hill and saw me stood there in the rain. i didn't notice them at first because of my walkman, but when i saw them looking at me i tried to regain some air of sanity. i started to walk back down the hill taking a different path and stopped just out of sight so i could look at the view again without being stared at like an escapee from the local mental asylum. but they followed me down and were behind me so i had to walk down the hill which was so damn annoying. and they kept looking at me. i could feel their eyes on the back of my head and i just wanted them to go away. i walked the long way home because i thought i might bump into the boy who plays bass guitar because he lives around there. as i passed the entrance to the estate where he lived i saw a car and i looked in the passenger window and a saw a face. and for a second i couldn't see anything and my legs went to jelly and my heart was racing so fast. it wasn't the boy who plays bass guitar. the reflections on the window had distorted a face. but for a moment, i thought it was. my stomach was lurching and i thought i was going to be sick and even though i knew it wasn't him, my heart was beating so fast and the spring in my stomach had turned into a big knot. i felt like lying down on the pavement but there were people about so i went through the ginnel to find some solitude. as i went through the ginnel my neighbour walked past me and made a passing comment. i wanted her to go away. she did. and i sat next to the little stream and tried to think and was so engrossed in my walkman that i didn't hear the group of townies come around the corner. i jumped a mile when i saw them: i guess i wasn't expecting them. they laughed at me and they wanted to beat me up but their 'leader' had once borrowed a cigarette off my friend in the pub so he said they shouldn't beat me up, even though his friends wanted to. then my neighbour came back through the ginnel, from the opposite direction and i realised i musta been sat there for about 20 min. and i knew my neighbour was thinking "what the hell is she doing just sat there with her messy hair and holey jumper" so i jumped off the wall and sprinted home to get away from her. i felt like i was going to cry. all i wanted was a bit of space. so: this story is not in fact a story and has no beginning, middle or end. it's just something that happened to me on sunday when i had a spring in my stomach that was about the break and it's something that happens to me quite a lot on sundays, or on any day in fact. and writing it down makes me feel better. +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "peculiarly deranged fanbase" "frighteningly named +-+ +-+ Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+