dear sinister ... first question: do you believe in fate? ..beginning biginning is going to tell me this is gong to run a bit of physophical before focusing on the spot. which would in turn mean more confused. just a bit more confused than usual. .believers belivers would say that the man is who, or what?, he build himself out his own exsistence. which is rather a honest and tough position. one can go on arguing that any single choice one made is going to point to a certain direction and even if today you're going to have rive or pasta or fish&chips at lunch there is nothing 'written in the stars', but it is all you existence built by day by day and hour by hour and stupid choice after stupid choice to led you choosing what to have for lunch. one can even chose not to have lunch so that there is no decision to take at all. which have its own bizarre, but very own, sense. but when someone, obviously some kind of boring bureocrate, decide that for any reason you also have to go had join the army... and you'll be kicked in the middle of the alps with your gun machine marching up and down the hills just for the fun of that. just start wondering if was worth studing for five years at the university and then get a ph.d. and even to what have found a regular position. was it just another wrong choise like combining the wrong gloves and shoes? what one can do? would have i chose differently? was there any chance to act differently and if so would have been made the things better? would I just go and say 'i don't know' or 'yes sir'. well apparently in couple of weeks all i can realize is that all the choices i've made in the what has been my former life had let me do feel like a kind of empty nutshell, and this one can do but open the nutshell and confirm it was actually empty. i must just admit i have colleceted an infinite number of mistake that is far too difficoult to discover the right things i would have done. covered in the noise. and in the end all i've worked for in a numberof years and, not too much far away is apparently disappearing like snowflakes under the first sunbeams... just a couple of weaks ago that would have shout and blame everything could have been blamed but i've lost the strenght to blame anything. well if have to march up the mountains let's do. and going to be kicked of science, for that, well let's accept that. there is ever the same question if is worth be alive just to be alive. but i've been in Brighton must be happy for that and to apply rather nasty shumacheresque techniques on the oval ring... i was happy for a while... take care , yours Stefano Here's a prediction: when you have stories to tell, you'll tell them. D.G. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+