i've found myself in a somber mood perhaps brought on by my broken cable box. i am left only to put my brain into motion; love seems to be the general topic to ponder this tuesday evening: love is hard to accept: it seems rather unlikely to be a win-win situation. in the end, at minimum one soul will be left bruised; at least four bruised souls are left in my past, including my own. i must refuse such situations again. i do not believe myself to be uncommon enough to find the feeling that doesn't eventually become lacking. i shall, instead, rely upon the love received from and given to my books and music (sebastian & belle, of course). it is safe; they do not leave or react to the love: they only accept. it's a very self-reliant love; kind of like masturbation for the heart. no one gets hurt. interaction with other people brings only conversation about such love and accidental and fumbling physical bumping into's brought on by necessity and/or alcohol. if people are meant to walk in pairs, then it seems reasonable to assume that each individual equals a half. i think that, perhaps, i represent slightly less than a half. i must find someone slightly more than their fair share in order to feel comfortable as one. such people are rare. without this exceptional human being, both sides are left feeling incomplete, searching for that missing piece. they soon realize that the puzzle pieces are slightly misfitted. i once fell in love with another less than half: disastrous repercussions. brought on by the realization that the other only represented half, both sides were only made less than they already were. a boy recently, when asked for his reaction toward me, responded that he found me "damn cute. i'm still deciding if that's good or not." if history repeats itself, and it always does, it is not, for i shall soon steal his smile. time to go wash my toes in the fountain, jillianne _________________________________________________________________ Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+