ah, sinister... well, it's been a while. i've been computer-less for (gasp) almost two months. i don't know, i think i lost track of time. time means nothing! it's all about space now, people. but what do i know. well, i know a bunch of things, really. but "knowing", well, what does that really mean? esp when there are so many things that one certainly does *not* "know". see how things get all confused when robyn doesn't have her computer and her internet access? the world gets Abstract. everything is all parenthesized, quotified, capitalized with Meaning, and other such theoretical sod. if i didn't enjoy it so much i'd say it could kiss my ass. which, boy, can it. but i have my computer back! all fixed up. hoorah, etc.! concretely, then: montreal remains good. though cold. an' it's only gettin' colder, they say. i'm disturbed (perhaps only minorly, i don't know) by the idea that winter is something you "get through". like a tunnel. a really long, cold tunnel. and while tunnels are fun/exciting/new when you're travelling at 120km/hr on a highway in the mountains, they're an entirely different thing when used as a metaphor for the long, cold canadian winter. (which, as you know, does not exist on the canadian west coast, making me feel somewhat removed from this side of canadian identity. maybe i should be *glad* to get to experience this? will i have some mid-winter revelation? or will i simply concede to wearing long johns, warm boots and a toque at all times, muttering about identity only to keep my lips from freezing?) hm. getting through. how much of life is about reflecting on it? sometimes too much, sometimes not enough. i don't know. it's funny, the nature of reflecting. as in, i remember spending days at work, working and, of course, not working, and listening to music on headphones the entire time. often i would just listen to one or two cds over and over again; they became or acted as background, yet i was still conscious of them, their content, how they made me feel as they poked in and out of my consciousness. but what exactly was this music that had such a day-long impact on me? and why would i spend the entire day listening to it? i can't always recall the former (can only look at my cd collection and guess) and can only come up with theories for the latter. i guess i'm just a little disturbed b/c i remember the feeling, but not the details. i remember the headphones pressing against my ears, and the keyboard pressing up on my fingertips, whether a wind was coming in the window, whether i was cold. and vague feelings of happiness, emptiness, tiredness. i suppose it's the difference between sensations, and memories of them, and, well, not-sensations, those things that don't impress primarily on the body but instead impress more strongly on the intellect. i think that these things can get too easily lost. the intellect being such an unmappable place. object? subject? both? neither?! agh. ah... so, to sum up: i have been feeling cold. and i have been thinking too much. i quite like the new future bible heroes cd. only stephin merritt could make a song about vampires dancable... but right now i'm listening to charm of the highway strip. and i've been listening to it for hours for some reason/another/no reason at all. phenomenologically yours, robyn p.s. sinister, i heart you so bad. also, i saw the raddest patterned tights in a really expensive department store. they were *modernist*, i tell you. alas, i am post-post-modern. and so is my poverty. ===== I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. ~Steven Wright ~~~ Robyn Fadden rfadden@yahoo.com Montreal, QC __________________________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? U2 on LAUNCH - Exclusive greatest hits videos http://launch.yahoo.com/u2 +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+