Dear Sinisterines! Its been so long! I feel like the lost sheep returning to its fold! RED KNICKER DAY EXTRAVAGANZA Just to let you know: I, for one, will be participating in Red Knicker Day. Although, I will be the only one to do so in Arizona, where pants are practically outlawed between the months of May and September. I am suitably insane enough, however, to a) tread the thin line between heatstroke and hypothermia, and b) be the only participant in my region. Phoenix is the sort of place where individuality is glaringly obvious, and gawked at. Which satisfies my insatiable need to shock, and makes the idea of being the sole Red Knicker bearer in the Valley quite appealing. Of course, if it were up to me, Id make it a national holiday. Not enough holidays in this country, really. I mean, we dont even have a Bank Holiday, or anything like Boxing Day. I find myself buying international calendars and privately celebrating Ascension Day. Its a lonely job. OBSESSIONS So. Have you ever found yourself obsessing on, say erm .okay, a person who is quite different from you? Lets just call him, um, mormon-boy. Opposites attract, right? Okay, so unfortunately I cant control who Im attracted to. That would be nice. In Shannons world its a distinct possibility, and a perk. But were not in Shannons world. (also, in said world, feather boas and sequins would be added to Red Knicker Day, as an augmentation). So ..moving on ..this boy (groan) doesnt swear, and doesnt smoke. Ugh! Hes a *nice* boy. He hasnt expressed any immediate displeasure at the fact that I do both, in profusion. Not only am I a chain *smoker*, Im a chain *swearer*, as well, Ive discovered. Im quite smutty, actually. From time to time. But earlier this week I caught a dim glimpse of a swearless, smokeless future, and it was dismal, let me tell you. So, I called off the wedding in my head and moved back toward reality. I think it was a good move. I said, Fuck this! Ha! it was a liberating statement, to be sure. It is only natural to swear. When its 115 outside, naughty words come to mind easiest, when youre moved to speak. But, in the true spirit of obsession, for one evening of friendly billiards rivalry, I conducted an experiment - tenuously, but with determination. I decided to replace all the nasty words (that, lets face it, fairly itch to come out when youre doggedly playing pool) with the word, crumb. For example, when you choke on the eight ball for the second time leaving your opponent with a perfectly aligned shot for the side pocket, you would say, Oh, crumb! instead of Oh, m**herf**cker! You might imagine how well this worked out. In short, it didnt. But I did discover what a dirty mouth I have. And since I almost immediately rescinded my sincere efforts to clean up, and be a good little girl, I have gone to the opposite end of the spectrum, and decided to be as creative as possible with my colorful language. I wont repeat my creations. But they were good, if I do say so myself. DEIFICATION (not to be confused with defecation; there is a distinct difference, after all) Theres another boy (of course), and he truly is the saviour. He works at a record store, as is appropriate for a contemporary saviour. He just burned me a copy of his own Badly Drawn Boys How Did I Get Here? which is quite an expensive CD round these parts, and damn-near impossible to find. AND ..he burned me a copy of a B&S boot ..er. Well, lets just say, not many folks have this one. (If youd like to hear it yourself, send me an email off-list.) Oooo, hes a doll! Something about that jet-black hair and wavy green tattoos Well. (cough). Anyway. You can see why Im moved to the idea of deification. I figure Ill declare a day of celebration, much like the previously proposed, Celebrate Your Gods! Day, except it will be just for the Record Store Saviour. Ill commission marble busts out of blue-veined Carrara marble and affix a diadem on his forehead, just like Caesar! I *did* mention I was given to excess, didnt I? Right. Well, maybe Ive gone too far, this time. But sometimes I think Im a genius ;-) SPEAKING OF GENIUS .. I had this brilliant idea, at about lunch time. See, I sit in my car sometimes at lunch, after my Red Bull run, to smoke and listen to music, and generally avoid the madding crowds. So, Im sitting in my Beetle (her name is Gita; I was sure you wanted to know that) listening to Wandering Alone, reveling in the smooth magic of Stevies voice, laughing like an escaped lunatic, and it occurred to me, that Gita would look *fine* with a small disco ball hanging from her ceiling. The gentleman who happened to be sitting next to me (hes another post altogether) assured me that he could arrange the electrical wiring so that it would sparkle, and that the natural movement of air in the car would make it spin, charmingly. It was a moment of temporary insanity. Suddenly I had visions of glow in the dark stickers littering the plush interior, and a fondue pot sizzling in the trunk, to be shared with friendly strangers at the drop of a hat. For the sake of convenience, my glove compartment would house neatly arranged condiments, and aesthetically arranged napkins. I have my moments. I dont think this was one of them. MAKE IT THIS FAR, DID YOU? Oh, so many clever posts to comment on. I think I wont. I think Ill summarize: Ive enjoyed the sudden resurgence of Ink Polaroids. Theyre quite vivid. And the gratitude round here is astounding. HONEY, love, you are revered! Ken Chus delicious wit is never amiss. And Gordon, I love your verbose soul! Never a dull moment in my Inbox, I tell you! Asm, you are *truly* my hero - your CD revival package is posted and somewhere over Nova Scotia, RIGHT NOW! Im off! To bed! Its late - or early. This is what I get for drinking too many Red Bulls. Sini-Love to All! S. p.s. Fifteen minutes? Pah! Ive spent hours crafting this. _________________________________________________________________ Join the worlds largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail. http://www.hotmail.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+