Evidently, people have been worried about me lately and -get this- it has NOTHING do with the fact I proposed to a homosexual male. (Oh and they're the ones worrying about me? Whatever! They don't even have concern for the right reasons. Pfffftttt.) Earlier tonight I was taping Gilmore Girls for the object of my affliction and -- as Lisa already mentioned -- there was a whole Belle and Sebastian subplot on it. I mean they just didn't play Legal Man there was a whole scene involving SUBTERFUGE and everything. Since I never have any B&S content, I've decided to describe this in such agonizing detail that no one will ever complain again about my posts when they wander off into freak tangents such as how my father once said that he wanted his funeral at Bristol Motor Speedway on race day so that way he can happily look down and think, "Wow all those people and they're even paying for parking." First a CAST OF CHARACTERS! Production Company: DOROTHY PARKER PRODUCTIONS (must mention the more important things first) RORY: Main teen character of the show. 16. She loves books and even brought along with her "The Portable Dorothy Parker" to her prom in case it got boring. Smart girl! LANE: Rorys best friend who has recently been grounded by her strict parents. Grounded in this case includes being taken out of school to be homeschooled for two weeks. She is itching for outside contact and even has a telescope at her bedroom window where she is tracking Rory's movement so she can call her whenever near a phone (though she only gets five minutes of phone time, except to the psalm a day hotline which has had the SAME psalm four days in a row which with the name of the line is BEARING FALSE WITNESS and a commandment so I'm surprised their little program didn't just burst into flames). MAMA LANE: Strict maternal parental unit. Once when Rory's house had termites, MamaLane yelled at Rory because she brought her termite-infested body to her store full of furniture and turned a HOSE onto her ignoring Rory's protests that she's not a carrier for the splinter choking critters. MICHEL: Pronounced Mee-shell. French. He works with Rory's mother where, from what I can tell, all they do is exchange witty banter in a hotel lobby. He is apathetic and sarcastic. Once at a club where the wait staff were all dressed up in drag Mae West asked what she could get him. Michel frenched, "My dignity back." KIRK: This is how much I love you people. I actually did research to find out his name - I just know him as the guy in the video store when Rory complains that there's a picture of a mostly naked girl on the cover of a video that is in plain view of small children. He wanted to know "Is she a blonde?" Ha. Ha. Ha. THE SETUP: In the diner, Rory is there with her mother trying to decide where to sit which is really an excuse to have a moment of witty dialogue since they'll sit where they always do and everyone knows it. So, they sit. Phone rings and the diner owner (Luke - the lovable GOOD LOOKING town grump. Oh my town has grumps too but they all in their sixties and smell of ben gay. I'd like to request a change of residence to a fictional town) answers and it's for Rory. Pan up to Lane who is in her bedroom with eye on telescope, ear to phone, and mouth a moving. Oh wait - I don't think this is where the Belle and Sebastian line comes in. Fast forward. Rory is walking down the sidewalk and the pay phone rings. Pan up to stalker Lane again which Rory, duly notes, is becoming kind of scary. Lane is urgent in her request (and speedy since she only has a limited amount of phone time before Gestapo mother quizzes her to see what the psalm of the day. "Where's your vision?" "You can't fool me, Lane. That's a proverb!"). Lane: "Belle and Sebastian's new single comes out today and I must have a copy of it. As an audio geek I have a responsibility." I'm misquoting because it has now been exactly 4 hours and 41 minutes since the show ended, my video tape didn't work so I have nothing to refresh my memory, and I worked ten hours today so I keep getting elements of the episode confused with things like the customer at the bookstore who I taught smutty Russian phrases to. Lane and Rory decide that they need to put a plan into action in order to get Lane the new Belle and Sebastian while she's under such strict supervision. ACTUAL SCENE OF SUBTERFUGE *Cue the playing of Legal Man* Lane and MamaLane come out of their house walking briskly, looking straight ahead, and full of purpose. Kirk stops them - an obvious distractor - and asks MamaLane when the store is open on a particular day. She rattles off store hours -- one for decent paying customers and another set for people who do things like loiter in the aisles and voted Democrat in the last election. Lane subtly holds her bag slightly open to her side. While MamaLane is busy channeling Barry Goldwater, a shrouded jogger drops the CD into Lane's bag. MamaLane says Amen and then hurries off with her daughter. Pan to jogger swooning on steps of the diner where Rory has been watching the entire thing. Jogger removes his faustus hood to reveal none other than Michel who is very French and very unhappy. The times had been changed from 9am to 10am (you discover this in a hurried phone call which I deleted from my retelling as I can't remember any of the snappy banter it entailed) but Michel didn't get the message so he had been running around the square for an hour. He's quite disgruntled with this even though Rory tells him he has good form. He says his cardiologist will be happy and after grabbing his heart dramatically and flailing a bit he sulks off. Legal Man is still playing but now it becomes louder and the scene ends. Lane has her CD! B&S played on my favorite show! Everybody cheers! THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY NIGHT AMY SHERMAN-PALLADINO, WRITER CREATOR AND EXECUTIVE PRODUCER OF GILMORE GIRLS, EVEN IF MY VCR HAS FEELINGS OF ABANDONMENT AND REFUSES TO WORK FOR ME KEEPING ME FROM SHARING THE JOY AND HAPPINESS EXCEPT FOR THROUGH LONG BORING POSTS WRITTEN IN THE THROES OF INSOMNIA! _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+