Anyway,to business.Brandt was wondering about a "perfect" mate.I
think you'll find that if such creatures existed there would be no relationships.Ever.We'd all be waiting for the perfect person.The best anyone gets is"good enough" or "the best I'm going to get".In my somewhat limited experience anyway. << Well I am reluctant to say so, because no one will believe me, but I think I indeed have found the perfect mate.. a soulmate, *the* soulmate. But I am not in love with her, and shes not in love with me... can one be in love with ones soulmate? Its probably a question of definition: I would say one cant, because there is too much harmony in such a relationship. The way I see it, for a love, there always must be some tension, some difference... and thats of course also the reason why its likely to fall apart at some stage. But with a soulmate, its different.. the way I am feeling now, this is something that can never break up again; the reason perhaps being that we do not feel any kind of duty for each other to stay together, or, to put it simply: Where there is no love, there is no way the love could go away. You can imagine perhaps that I have had a hard time explaining this special kind of relationship to others: it is nothing that fits into any kind of conception society usually stuffs one into. (Its not either a platonic friendship, because, ho-hum... of the lack of platonicity..) Often I just say shes my girlfriend, to go out of the way of complicated explanations. We did not know what to call it either until shes come up with calling me her companion. I like that. I think thats it. We are companions. Maybe its a little like what was going on between JP Sartre and Simone... though I cannot really tell, because I have not read much about what their relationship was like. But of course this kind of thing also has its problems, especially: what happens if one of us falls in love with someone different? I for one still feel that I could very well love someone else, and, even though we have been saying that we dont have to be true to one another, she would certainly be jealous.. as would I in the opposite case. whats more, as we are sharing a flat right now, having a third person in our life would lead to some practical difficulties. Concerning real love, I agree to what Marianne said about the two kinds of love. I have had a few times *this* crush feeling for someone, bt most of the time I knew perfectly well that this could never lead to a relationship... and I did not even try to make it into one. Which means: I had my crush, and I did not do anything, and eventually the feeling would fade. I still think that this was wise, though it was also cowardish (cowardy? cowardly?? sorry for my english) Once, though, the feeling was so strong that I tried my luck anyway, and it ended in a predictable disaster... And the times that there was a proper relationship, there was sometimes this feeling of something missing, as Marianne said. I probably expect too much from love... I dont know. Sometimes I miss being in love, for I have not been in love for quite a long time... but, on the other hand, what I have now is so very much; there is nothing to complain about. I am a happier man now than I ever thought I could be. Well... so there. I just wanted to share. Im afraid there is nothing to be learned from all this; just, perhaps, that love, relationship, is different for everyone and that you only run into problems if you try to figure out what to call your feelings. This does not need names or classifications. Just be as sincere as you can. Oh sorry, that sounds cheesy. Oh, BTW, does anyone know from whom the sentence is: Its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Im ashamed to ask, because its so famous.. but please, have patience with my lack of knowledge. Regards, Jan The Dark Site of the Moon: http://perso.club-internet.fr/jimgrund/index.html Tindersticks page: http://perso.club-internet.fr/jimgrund/tinderpage/tinder.html To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. -Oscar Wilde +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+