sinister *//why are you so close, closer than most, to my weakness?\\* well quite alot actually firstly and most scary this has nothing to do with me but my friend met this guy from the internet (they had been speaking for months) and they got on very well and one thing led to another led to spending the night together that was about 7 or 8 months ago this morning the police came round to her house asking her about the guy that she had seen all those months ago. asking her all sorts of questions about when they had been together and what they had done. an offer has been made for our house i dont like strangers coming into my home and looking about and when they came to my room i even turned the music down and smiled i didnt say anything though. i watched the little kids look at my rats, and secretely hoped theyd put their fingers too near the cage and get bitten. or at least id get to say that theyd better be careful or theyd get bitten. and they came back a second time and they came into my room again. i sat on my bed cross legged with my note pad, writing. and watched the kids get not too close to my rats again. and this time i didnt turn the music down so much and when the womans dad spoke to me, i didnt hear. so i just didnt say anything. and i had my boa, alcatraz, around my neck. they didnt come right into my room that time. my boyfriend has been and gone oh i got a hello but now he is away again for 3 months this time without even a goodbye. and i dont have his number now not that i think ill ever need it again (even though, officially, we havent split up) i am releived in some ways but mostly sad thinking that thats been almost 10months and to know for a fact if i had decided to take that i dont care option sooner i could have been going out with a much nicer boy but like always. i thought 'no'. and now its too late. but even more sad because,the 10 or so minutes spent alone with him although i only sat at the computer, and he sat on the floor a bit away i think. by the way that i wanted to sit next to him, and wanted to hold his hand and wanted for him to hold me that i still have some feelings for him buts thats maybe just because 10months is a long time and for 8 months i remained monogomous but im not sure how i feel at all i think i might still like him but im not sure. i dont even having the tiniest wee smidgen of a feeling of guilt from cheating at all. and i have as good as announced to the world that i am single but, if he came back right now. oh i dont know. i really dont. those days: 14th, 15th, 16th, and 17th assuming u know what that means of course listening, still sweetie xox ICQ #42242252 MSN instant msngr: something_sinister@hotmail.com AOLim id: IIIsecondcreep *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* everything i do, everything i say, everything i try to be everything is wrong, everything is right, everything is up to me everything i am, everything i was, everything i aim to be everything is black, everything is white, everything is in between +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+