hi, well, here I am again. after another day, and when I wrote to you this morning, you saw how I felt then. This, I suppose, is how I am feeling now, the epilogue to my day and my feelings. I felt, after all the e mails I have received, that I ought to come back, and say something more, just to say thank you to everyone on sinister. Thank you to everyone who e mailed me. I've read them all, and I am really touched at your responses. Your replies to my post have really moved me in ways you'll probably never see or know, and only I can ever really measure. But if you knew how much it meant to me, you'd look yourself in the mirror and congratulate yourself on the incredible effect you've had on me through your compassion. So, in a grateful gesture of gratitude, (I need a thesauraus!) I'm going to say thank you: My Horoscope was Nowhere Near Perfect: Kate Keenan Sean (your birthday is the 22nd October, mine is 11th) Sunny Set Amy Longcore Kyla Schuller My Baby Left Me: Kirsten Kenyon Florence Brain Will Haigh Mark Casarotto Christopher Johnson Jeremy Tweddle The Cats Pajamas- Jason Paisley Fiona And John john for being a darling and texting me lots and being kind and sensitive beyond his tender years. you all know who you are. In some cases, I ought to have replied personally, sooner, and I'm sorry for not having done so. But I am so grateful, and thankful for all the kind things you said to me. ********* After I posted, I went to the shop, and got some ciggies. I've smoked near enough thirty today in total. I then crawled into bed, there was something soothing about posting on sinister. I didn't know then whether anyone would read it or care, but it certainly offered a theraputic device that people can pay extortionate ammounts for from people with alphabets after their names. I've deleted my ex's telephone number, and all record of it (text messages, dialled/received number lists) from my mobile. For his benefit and for mine. Temptation is out of the way. I fell asleep, and woke up once or twice, really really exhausted. Never fall asleep face down in your pillow. My glossy locks went into this great big 80's dynasty style mane, the fringe so high that it looke like a small fctory of hairspray had been used to achieve that big hair effect, when I woke up, and my eyes had narrowed into tiny little dots in grey puffy skin. I went out at lunch time with a friend who popped over to see me between work, and then went to the shops. I bought a Monsters Inc easter egg for a little boy I've never met. It was voted the best value for money egg by Woman magazine, since it came with a Sully bean toy and an egg and sweets and chocolate. I walked home, in the sunshine. When I got back, I played my guitar for a few moments, then my friend, who had disappeared decided to skive the day off work, (with some prompting from Yours Trully, ever the little ID Devil girl, sitting on your shoulder telling you what fun to have next) and we went to the pub for a bit. I didn't drink any alcohol at all, I won't. Theres nothing worse than me, drunk and depressed. Really. Even when I'm happy I cry myself to sleep when I'm drunk, and wake up with mascara stains on my pillow. Even though its waterproof (the mascara, not the pillow). My friend dropped me off, and ten minutes later, another friend collected me and took me to their home for dinner, where I gave the little boy I'd never met his egg. He loved it. After dinner, my friend and I went out to the pub, and now I have returned. I think I had two hours alone today, apart from the time when I slept. And although there have been pangs of pain, seeing people has really helped. I was shocked I got responses- I dunno, I was tired, exhausted, and so incredibly emotional when I wrote it, I think its the most truthful thing I have written about my feelings, I wrote it for self-help, I wrote it for my own benefit, my own therapy, and it did make me feel better to let it out. And I was shocked at how kind the responses to my previous post were. How incredibly warm, and beautiful, and how much that has meant to me. You'll never know, I wish you could. But if you believe in karma, then it will come back to reward you, and hopefully in all the ways you deserve and then some. It still hurts, and I'm going to try and go to bed soon and maybe get some sleep tonight. I've been busy, and unable to catch any catnaps through the day, so I feel really exhausted now, and am hoping this will be enough to knock me out. I hope this post can do justice to all the caring, compassionate tender words you've sent me. I couldn't leave it as it was, without a thank you. It really, *trully* has stirred me considerably. Thank you. You've gone and made me cry. But only becuase you made me smile. Love, Kristin (idleberry) xxxx ===== http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/corduroysmoke and the world did get covered in a thick haze of corduroy smoke. And it felt good. __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Movies - coverage of the 74th Academy Awards� http://movies.yahoo.com/ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. 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