This is indeed a dark time for the pop rebellion. In a vain effort to unite the list in love, I have taken it upon myself to write a short play. Unlike the new Star Wars Trilogy, my play is the uplifting tale of a boys return to grace! How happy is that! All the characters here are fictional from my brain. If they remind you of anyone, or if the names sound familiar then that is purely coincidental. You see, I made it up. I love everyone in the world apart from bad people, wankers and the evil Jesus clone. THE CITY IMP =========== SCENE 1 <Struan Davids house - A one room log cabin hidden in a large> <bush in Glasgow's Kevingrove Park. Struan logs off his pedal> <powered pentium and punches a chib off the wall into the fireplace> Struan D: THIS IS PISH! PISH I SAY! PISH! PISH! PISH! I HATE EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD! <Struan's long suffering wife, Wee Eckie comes in. She is wearing> <a traditional style Scots bunnet and a ladies kilt> Wee Eckie: Och what's all this noise about now Struan? Everyone can hear you in the park outside. Your putting all the boys off their shagging. Struan D: I WAS ON THE COMPUTER AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT! I'M LEAVING! Wee Eckie: God, you're not going to the pub again are you Struan? You're drinking far too much. You know I don't like it when you're drunk, why don't you stay in with me, and we can watch the boys in the park. Struan D: LEAVE ME ALONE YOU WENCH! I NEVER LIKED YOU! Wee Eckie: Struan, come on just....just let go! It was years ago now for Gods sake! Just because he died doesn't mean you have to stop living! What happened to the boy I fell in love with? Struan D: PISH! PISH I SAY! PISH!!!!!!!! <Struan Storms out of the house and slams the door. Wee Eckie starts to weep> SCENE 2: <The Halt Bar, Woodlands Road, Glasgow, some hours later. Struan sits> <alone in the corner, with a big glass of whisky and several empties in front> <of him. On the small mock stage a local boy in a suit plays some blues
<slide guitar. Struan sips his whisky and starts to talk to himself like a> <drunken arse.> <Struan D> What happened to me? Why am I so grumpy all the time? I know deep down that there is good in me. I can feel it - but, God, I really miss Taggart. He was the best detective Glasgow has ever known. And a hardy bastard to boot. Even though he had a face like a bulldog licking pish off a thistle, he had character. And that's what counts these days. And to think - he died of a broken heart. WHY? WHY? PISH I SAY! SCENE 3: <A drunken Struan D staggers along a woody woodland path on his way back> <home. He trips and falls.> <Struan D> PISH I SAY! <Too weary and drunken to stand up, he rolls on his back and stares up through the > <trees at the stars. He closes his eyes and starts drift off to sleep, only to be brought> <round by a strange beautiful music. He opens his eyes and sits up. Standing on a > <toadstool directly in front of him is a little man, about 3 inches high. He has a little guitar, about> <one inch long. He is wearing a felt T-shirt, and a badge which reads "Little Struan M". > <Struan D listens to the words the little man is singing> <Little Struan M> (sings) # When I was a taller man, # # I manly manned a ship. # # A vessel with a womans touch, # # I called her "Pale Margaret" # # Maggie sailed around the world # # By every coastal shore # # But now I am a little man # # I'll sail in her no more, no more # # I'll sail in her no more. # <Struan D> Who are you, little man? <Little Struan M> I am the imp of the city. The City Imp. I have magical powers. <Struan D> What sort of magical powers? <Little Struan M> I have the magical power of song. What would you to hear a song about? <Struan D> Sing me a song about why Taggart had to die. <Little Struan M> Hmm. OK. (sings) # Taggart had to die # # Cause he had a broken heart # # His lady went before her time # # But now they are together # # And never will they part # # Praise the Lord oh Praise the Lord for he is fine, he is fine # # Praise the Lord Oh Praise the Lord for he is fine # <Struan D> I really want to say that was pish, but I can't bring myself too! Hey! I've lost all my inside hate! You've cured me little man! Thank you! Thank you! I have to get home to Wee Eckie! SCENE 5: <Struan D's house. Struan burst's through the door> <Struan D> Wee Eckie! I LOVE YOU! I'm sorry I've been such a prick for the last few years Will you marry me again? I love everyone in the world apart from bad people, wankers and the evil Jesus clone. <Wee Eckie> Oh Struan! I LOVE YOU! Yes I will marry you again! SCENE 6: <Struan D And Wee Eckie walk holding hands into the sunset. Aaah.> THE END Aaaah indeed. I don't think I've been nasty to anyone on the list, but If I have I'm sorry. You are all my brothers and sisters in the name of the Belles. God Bless each and every one of you, Chris the Sheep ----------------------------------------------------------------------- . This message was brought to you by the Sinister mailing list. . To send to the list please mail "sinister@majordomo.net". . For subscribing, unsubscribing and other list information please see . http://www.majordomo.net/sinister . For questions about how the list works mail owner-sinister@majordomo.net . Listen, this is pish, I think I'll leave -----------------------------------------------------------------------