i'm not sure how to write about what i want to write about now. it's been going round my head, all jumbled and tangled and i can't get the thoughts straight. so forgive me if what i say doesn't make sense; it's because it doesn't make sense, not to me anyway. i went to the football yesterday. the match and outcome aren't important, they were overshadowed by the fact last saturday a guy called martin aldridge died in a road accident, and the game was played in memory of him. he was 25, and had played as striker for both teams involved, oxford and blackpool. i didn't know him, i only met him out on the lash a couple of times over the time he was with us. yet during the minutes silence the sheer weight of memory i have for the man hit home. i saw this guy doing his job for 90 minutes at most twice a week for a couple of seasons, yet i felt like i knew him. is this wrong, inappropriate? he expressed himself through the way he did his job. do you, the people on this list feel you know stuart murdoch through his songwriting? i know that during certain songs i do, yet i've never met him and to be honest i don't want to, it could only be a let down. but i think i know my dad, after all he's my dad. yet i see him at the most for an hour a night during the week and maybe more at the weekend, if i'm lucky. so for all those hours that i don't see him, what does he do? what's he like? is he exactly the same when he's mr tucker, systems analyst, or when he's good old graham down the pub, as he is when he's my dad? does he even exist? i was at work the other day and this customer said that she'd seen me in her daughter's school photograph. she was really shocked because she'd assumed that i worked in co-op all day. so to her, and various people in my town, my existence is entwined with that of a supermarket, even though i only spend a tiny(ish) proportion of my time there. for martin aldridge's family yesterday they witnessed 5000 football fans honour martin aldridge the striker. did that confuse them as much as it confused me? i can't get my head around his life away from the football pitch, but at the same time assume things about him and his life from how he acted on the football pitch. and now he's dead. i'm stuck now, my incoherent ramble can't find a way out of this. rachel xxx +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+