Dear Mr. Gates, May I call you Gareth? I know a lot of your fans call you that, I assume without having first acquired your permission, which strikes me as being somewhat impertinent, so I thought it best to ask in advance of what will hopefully be a fruitful and lengthy correspondence between the two of us. I represent, and I hope I use the word to its full effect here, the hearts and minds of an internet group known as Sinister, which is a fan-orientated mailing list for the band Belle and Sebastian. I could imagine that a gifted musical connoisseur such as yourself would be familiar with the bands work (in fact it would not at all surprise me to discover you a fan of the various side projects undertaken by the bands members!). However, given your strenuous schedule of touring, recording and promotion its feasible that the strictures of time and fame have prevented you from yet encountering their music, though I am more than sure that the band are familiar with yours. But now we come to a trickier part of this letter, because as much as I enjoy the records you have made to date, which is a great deal let me tell you, I play them all the time, and I always look out for your appearances on television - I have a large collection of them on tape - but despite all that I feel as though you have not yet found a song which does full justice to your astonishing voice. Let me pause here to talk a little about your voice Mr. Gates, though I am never quite sure where to begin when discussing it - its soaring, euphoric cadences, rolling like Scottish hills in the autumn mist, its gentle, almost child-like lilt through those most touching passages. I think you have the voice of a generation. Unique, sonorous, versatile, equally as powerful as the lion and as graceful as the gazelle it hunts, as timid and coy as the otter and as proud and glorious as the eagle. This voice, so potentially epoch making in its scope and clout has so far, in my most humble opinion, been ill-served with the songs it has been given. So far it has been your voice, and that alone, which has made your work worth taking note of. Let me make it clear though, that I take nothing away from those songs, I love them with all my heart, to hear a word against them is to charge my blood with a rage both great and terrifying. And yet, and yet, they seem to take us only as far as the brink of the abyss, if youll pardon the metaphor, and just as Nietzsche mocked Kant for finding the key to the cage, but choosing to remain inside, so too has your record company found that key, which is you, but seems reluctant, lord knows why, to let you take that leap, and throw us headfirst into a new era of musical innovation. As your keen, acute intellect may have discerned, I feel that I have such a song for you to sing, a song that will take us beyond that barrier and into a musical realm that has eluded us all for so long. But I have erred slightly, the I in that last sentence should rather be we, for, as I mentioned, I represent a whole organisation of Belle and Sebastian fans, and, following extensive enquiry, debate and, it must be said, heated argument, we have collectively concluded that there is a B&S song which we believe will take your career to that next level, the level I know you deserve, why, the very first time I heard you sing on Pop Idol I knew it, and time has only served to nurture that belief, to make it stronger and more fervent. There is a Belle and Sebastian song called Chalet Lines. It is a doleful, but beautiful ballad about the rape of a woman, and yet dealt with with such moving sensitivity, such grace and care that it never comes across as crass and ungainly. This is the song we think you should sing. If you have not yet heard the song, I would urge you to listen to it, listen hard and true and I think you will agree that it seems almost deliberately written for the sweeping grandeur and elegant tones of your voice. I think a more sure fire hit record has never been conceived. I implore you to consider this Mr. Gates, if not for yourself, if not for us at the Sinister list, then for music itself. Much is at stake. Yours Sincerely, Kieran Devaney and Sinister _________________________________________________________________ Hotmail messages direct to your mobile phone http://www.msn.co.uk/msnmobile +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+