i'm not quite sure why i am writing this. for i know none of you and, in fact, don't even live on the same continent as most of you, but still, because of my own lack of friends, i feel the need to just be heard. yesterday i went to the doctor's after delaying for about a month. they performed hours of tests and sent me home to sit by myself engulfed in fear. they don't know if what they found is cancer or just an abnomality within the limits of normality. since i am only 21 this is quite surreal and frightning for me. this brings to mind many questions about my own life and those around me. what is it at the end of our lives that we will want to look back on and appreciate. i know that it won't be material possessions. nor will it be how much money we made. instead i think that it will be what we have experienced and seen. possibly the question of happiness will come into play. how then does one go about obtaining happiness? if one was so inclined how would they go about becoming this way and maintaining this state of mind? obviously no one can answer these questions but our selves. i just thought that i might make at least one person re-evaluate their life. i have been. i have come to learn that nothing in this world means shit if it doesn't mean anything to you. everyone knows that reality is realitive. i may not be living my life to the fullest but i can say that i am trying, which is more than most on this earth can say. hope that i might have made some of you think and possibly brighten your day for doing so. nw ________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "peculiarly deranged fanbase" "frighteningly named +-+ +-+ Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+