Hello Everyone, This is my first post. I've tried to do this about ten times, but it never seems to come right. Despite being a lurker and religiously drawing solace from reading your wonderful posts, I'm confused as to how to address you all, how to NOT comit list abuse, and how to make myself understood as someone worthy of your time. As some have you have probably figured out by know, I'm max, rachel grapenut's and Hye Min's friend. I've had a horrible week. Ever since mid september, I've been hopelesly in love with this beautiful freshman at school. He's thin, and lanky and has beautiful gray eyes and incredible longer than average blond hair. He also doesn't know that I exist. We've never spoken, but I just KNOW that he must be a wonderful person with great taste in guys and a secret love for Belle and Sebastian. I know I shouldn't make assumptions like this, but I just know that he's gay. There's no way that he isn't...but him not being open about it sort of nullifies the whole thing. In the last two months, its grown from a casual attraction, to a full fledged obsession. I find myself writing about him in my free time, and actually coming face to face with him has become such a painful experience. At the beginning of the week, my eyes started tearing whenever I saw him...as the week progressed I found myself in severe physical pain everytime I saw him. I feel my heart and stomache are being ripped out of my body, and that I am! disappearing. becoming negative space. I hope some of you can empathize for one reason or another, with this mutual pain and exhiliration you receive when there's someone out there you love, and just doesn't love you back. Things picked up on friday afternoon. I got a job at the housing works bookshop and cafe (to fulfill a community service requirement). I've always wanted to work at a bookstore, and I'm glad to be making money for a cause that I find important (treating people for HIV and helping them kick drug addictions). Wonderfully enough, the store is located in soho, and I can frequent expensive clothing stores and my favorite CD shop, rocks in your head, on a regular basis. I bought the sing....and I was so moved by "I'm waking up to us" and "Marx and Engels". I don't love the cover art...but I thought that the single was just as great at Jonathan David, If not better. I spent saturday with my friend saya...so uneventful... Then sunday, Rachel (my partner in life) came back and we trapsed around the village. I bough a Jeff Magnum live Cd. Everyone should listen to Neutral Milk Hotel (aeroplane over the sea) and Olivia Tremor Control (dusk at a cubist castle). I also aquired a beautiful pair of pants, that I'm waiting to wear, because tomorrow I must make a statement by wearing purple pants. We also went to chinatown, where we bought some delicious chinses candy. I think artificial strawberry coating is an abusable substance. Well, on that note, I'm off to go hit myself on the head with the frying pan of reality a few times before school tomorrow. ~Max~ P.S. I think that joe vester is BRILLIANT P.S.S. I butcher puncutation, and I have no remorse :::""!@ P.S. S. S. I want scarf guy too!!! +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+