Alright, Im sorry, I wasnt going to post. I know you've all got full enough inboxes already. I couldnt possibly be further away from all this, being almost exactly on the opposite side of the world, but that hasnt stopped me from spending the last couple of days with a knot in my stomach and fog in my eyes. Im not going to speculate, offer fortune-cookie philosophy, or talk politics, as although these thoughts bump around in my head in my more detached moments, I really cant get away from the thought of the actual people involved. Hundreds of people have needlessly and horrifically died, and many more have lost those that they love. Most of them dont even know for sure yet. Many more again will not be able to feel safe and genuinely free in their homes for some time, having seen what theyve seen. I know this is about so much more than that, but thats really the only terms I can think of it in for the moment. This in itself is too big for me to get my head around. I cant think of a way to say this that wont sound hollow and meaningless, but Im feeling deeply for each and every one of you thats been touched by this. I was actually chatting in #sinister at the time this happened, probably grizzling on about something completely unimportant, like I normally do. Some sod drunkenly kicked a hole in my living room wall on the weekend, I was most likely moaning about that. When Madeleine first mentioned what was happening, I thought that she was kidding around, or had been taken in by a hoax. As I switched on the television, and #sinister began to fill up with people looking for news of those in New York about whom they care, it all slowly started to sink in. It still hasnt completely. I cannot describe the surge of relief and joy I felt as each of the New York people I know from #sinister arrived. They were all accounted for, and my very elation at this fact made me feel small, weak and selfish. I was chatting with people who saw this happen with their own eyes, and they carried themselves with such grace, composure and hope, that even in my own shock, I found myself in complete awe of them. If this had happened in a weeks time, my mother would have been there. The fact that she isnt there makes me happy as well, but Im sickened with guilt at the feeling, as it means that Im pleased that of all the people affected by this, thats one other person thats lost their mother instead of me. Id like to think that were all in this together, but my home and office are still standing, my friends are all alive, and I can still phone my mum. It would be hypocritical and vile of me to say that I can understand what many of you must be going through. When I finally dragged myself home to get a couple of hours sleep, I looked at the hole in the living room wall. It seemed very small and unimportant. The world also seems smaller now, and the people in it seem less dissimilar. Last night I realised that I hadnt really listened to any music for a while, or really done anything except try to work, while emailing, chatting and keeping one eye and one ear on the television. I walked home in the small hours, and listened to my walkman. My absolute favourite listee had made and sent me a tape, from New York City, which had reached me just before this happened. I listened to it, and in spite of myself, I smiled. We are still surrounded by beauty in this world, and its not as fragile as it seems. Cling to it. The only thing Id ask of all the American listees is that you dont let this change who you are (even the ones I normally bicker with). That would be the worst possible result out of all this, and the only way in which whoever has struck against you can win. You might still want to think about changing your bizarre selection of breakfast foods, however, Ive never understood that ;) On that note, Im just going to quickly mention something normal and off this subject, before I leave you to it. Another of our finest and most highly decorated listees was kind enough to send me a tape of the Camera Obscura Peel Session (thanks, Miss Madeleine). It was one of the few things that made me smile today, and it reminded me who I normally am, and what Im normally about. To put it another way, it rocked my arse off. So, the maddest of all possible props to the King of Partick and his illustrious court. Ill leave you with even more than my usual consignment of bulk love, and absolutely every thought that my boss can do without, -David. Oh, and I almost forgot. THANKYOU. I never really understood the meaning of the phrase 'online commumity' before. You lot are the tops. _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+