Five thirty eeet, pm. In the living room. Rough Trade "Will one of Belle and Sebastian please come to the studio room?" Chris "ooh oooh oooh I'll go!!!!" Stuart "och Chris look Stevie's already gone in man" Chris "pah, I never get to go to the studios" Stuart "Aw. It was grrreeet the last time we went to Top of the Pops" Richard "aye, MONKEEEEHHHH" Isobel "I wish I had my fairy wings back then, that'd have looked so pretty with my pout" Stuart "I still cannae believe I took a wee on Albert Square" Peacock "ah ye wuss, I'd have taken a dump at the Vic'. With the doors open and all" Stuart "Yer fucking loopy man" Peacock "It's loopERR, dammit" In the stoodio room.. Rough Trade "Stevie, I'm giving you this week's secret mission" Stevie "Oh no" *Stevie covers his head and starts crying Rough Trade "What's wrong, Stevie?" Stevie "Everytime we have a secret mission I let everyone down and they all hate me for it" *Stevie sobs some more Rough Trade "Stevie, your secret mission this week is to get at least one female member of Belle and Sebastian to ride with you on your wooden horse for two. If any of the members suspects that this is your mission, you will have failed. If you succeed in your mission, you and the rest of the Belle and Sebastian will receive a Brit Award for the best newcomers" Stevie "Thank you, Rough Trade" ------- Rough Trade have also announced today this week's task for the band. Rough Trade "Belle and Sebastian, this week's task is for you guys to release a new album. You will all collaborate in making this album, and also come up with a surreal name for the album title the way you know best" Isobel "Oh no! I wish I had packed my oxygen tank with me into the house now, how'm I gonna sing.. a whole.. line?" Mick "Yes you should have, why on Earth you haven't you silly girl?" Isobel "Well the fairy wings took too much room!" Mick "Oh dear, that's not very sophisticated now is it?" Richard "och noo I think the fairy wings are fabbbulous darling!" Isobel "hehe, aye thank you" Stevie "Aye I think they're grand too Isobel" Isobel "Thanks" Stevie "Would you like to rid... Er..." Isobel "Pardon?" Stevie "Would you like to ride on my.... wood... sigh" Isobel "hehehe you're running out of breath! I get like that sometimes. What are you trying to say" Stevie "I.. Sigh" *Stevie holds his hands to his head and cries Chris "Aww stevie dear it's quite alright, what's up" Stevie "The secret mission. I've blown it.. *sob* I needed to get one of the girls to ride on my wooden horse for two and then I'd Jonathan her David and everything, and earlier I thought my chance had come at last. But then a strange fear gripped me, and I just couldn't ask" Peacock "Ah ye pussy" Sarah "Aye! Besides I only wanna ride the peacock.. Hold me, you hunk" *Sarah kisses peacock Peacock "Oh I need to take a poo first brb" Mick "Arrrgh, you guys are sick. When will this ordeal end?????" Peacock "Shut yer face yer dobber!" *Peacock squirts ribena on Mick's face Mick "Hummph, well at least one of us got wet tonight" ------- Ten Feeften, pm. The band members gather to perform their songs for this week's task Stevie "Och, we're going make this song called 'Song for Sunshine' and it's basically going to be me pressing the demo button on the keyboard - it's a tribute to New Order like" Stevie "There was this one time, I was going out for a drink with New Order, and I was talking to Stephen Morris right, and Bernard said 'hey stevie'..." Richard "Was he calling for you? Or Stephen Morris?" Stevie "No idea, but anyway.. I turned around and.." Chris "Who's Stephen Morris?" Stevie "erm.. a guy from New Order... anyway I turned around and knocked Bernard's drink over!!" Stevie "but Bernard was like.. 'don't worry.. Hooky'll clean it up'" *Stevie laughs Richard "..." Stuart "..." Chris "I don't get it" Stuart "So... erm.. What are we gonna call the song like?" Peacock "how about 'shit'?" Sarah "hehe peacock" Stevie "Thank you peacock. I was gonna call it 'Song for sunshine' cos you get sunshine in the summer, and summer sounds like sumner and so it makes sense.." Chris "I have a song too!!" Stuart "Och aye? What is it?" Chris "It's gonna be called 'Funny Little Frog'" Chris "It's basically a mash-up of 'Judy and the dream of horses' and 'Crazy Frog'" Isobel "yay I like crazy frog! I love the way he goes bababababbaaaababbab..." *Isobel coughs and heaves Isobel "baba..ba....och me asthma" Isobel "anyway that engine thing." Stuart "I have a new song too.. Called 'Sukie in the Graveyard'" Richard "What's it about darling?" Stuart "It's about this one time I drove my Suzuki Vitara through a Graveyard! It was awesome. I love my car" Stuart "Although that time I may have gone too far. I hit Karl Marx's grave!" Chris "Did you hit it at an angle?" Stuart "hahaha nice one" Chris "huh?" Stuart "good joke man" Chris "what joke?" Stuart "oh? Och never mind. No I hit it straight on. Anyway I have another one too called 'White Collar Boy'.. It's about some guy who worked in an office who wanted to be all cool and all like and he started stealing stuff to buy nike boots and stuff but he got caught like and he had to do community service like and he got chained up to this girl and it was Lady Sovereign like and she was like all loopy and all like and then she hit the guard with a spade like and they jumped on a barge like!" Chris "I don't get it" Stevie "So.. he was doing community service but was chained up to someone whilst doing it?" Richard "I bet lady sov loved his nike! She is a faaabbulous diva she is!" Bob "Bob has a new song too! It's called 'Act of the Apostle Part I" Bob "It's the first part of a series of 10 tunes of me doing freeform rap" Peacock "Let me know if you need a music video for it Bob, I'll make a film of me taking a freeform crap." -------- Eleven twanty five, pm. The band have just finished practicing their new songs. Mick "So what are we going to call the album?" Isobel "Let's call it 'Happy Flowers and Bumble Bees'!" Peacock "How about 'Honestly - Black Hole' cos it's gonna really suck?" Richard "I think it should have to do with our lives somehow, that'd be faaaabulous!" Stuart "I think I'm gonna call it 'Goalkeeper's Revenge'" Stevie "Ooh, named after Bill Naughton's collection of thirteen short stories first published in 1961?" Stuart "Erm, no never heard of that? It's actually about this one time I was playing football in Hyde Park in 2002 with this dude called Ken Chu from this Sinister list thing, I was in goal and he did a stepover thing and made me dive the wrong way AND THEN THE BASTARD FUCKING SCORED PAST ME :( I'm still reeling from that!! and one day I'm gonna have REVENGE!!!!!!!!!" Peacock "Sinsietr is a bit freaky" Dum dumdum dum dum dumdumdum dum dumdumdum dumdumdum dum dumdumdum. ********************************************************************** This email is confidential and intended solely for the person or entity to whom it is addressed. If this email was not intended for you please notify the UCLH Mail Administrator at mail.administrator@uclh.org. This footnote confirms that the email and attachments contained no viruses when they left UCLH. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+