halo sinister. some say, "if you're feeling like a minister, go off and write to sinister", so here i am. it's been so long. i don't really know you anymore. but there's a void in my life, and i need you by me now. there's something about driving at sunset in autumn in the last hour you have to yourself before you must clock in at work after you've just bought powder blue maryjanes and a skirt that resembles the boy's carpet that broke your heart, especially when you're listening to iyfs - the song, on repeat, as you're driving at sunset... that glorious peachy keen kind... something about the feeling of freedom when you set yourself loose in the womens shoe department, size 8 aisle, where you can try on a hundred kinds of shoes and feel like a hundred kinds of people just for a few seconds cos you've already checked the price and know you can never wear the matching shoe outside the shop, so you take off the one and find another to fantasize with for the remainder of the minute you hope will pass quickly... cos each moment you have to wait to take another breath is a moment you have to think about all the things that have happened to you lately... and wonder how many more breaths must go in and out before you're beyond it all. so you park when the prettiest part of the setting sun has passed. and you go into another shop to try on all sorts of clothes that look fantastic on you and match those blue maryjanes so perfectly that you could be a walking debate on why mums should never be allowed to purchase matching sets of tops and bottoms in department stores for anyone over the age of 4. and you leave the shop with more black skirts you don't really need, but you have a void now, and collecting maryjanes and black skirts sometimes is the only way you know how to neglect a hungry heart. and you race to work, change clothes in the car cos you hate clothes, and the ones you left the house in proved your curse of static cling, and only brand new ones can cure the ailment. and don't you feel better now that you look like you've taken up the boy's carpet and spread it all over your hips, wrapped it around your waist... cos he's never gonna wrap himself around you like that again. not cos he doesn't want to. cos his life is plagued, and he won't infect you. you play songs all night that don't really do anyone any bit of good. but you like to pretend your piano's a guitar like all the other girls, and pulling iyfs out of your hat in the middle of your set was the best idea you had all day. and you think about the boy some more. there's something about losing a best friend and housemate who also happens to be the other half of your band that you may or may not have broken up in the same week that the boy you love breaks up with you for nothing you did, and your label announced they can't afford to put out your next record anyway... something that makes you think you're grateful they only happen in three's... something that makes you suspect there's more than three this time. you start to obsess over the health of your cat and listen to every squeak of your car's brakes in wait for the next let down. you listen to the boy's sad songs and melt. and think about those miumiu maryjanes you couldn't afford. and hope the hug you last gave the boy was felt as it was meant. and curl up with your fat cat and think and think and think about who you could be and how you could change the world and make him listen if only you could afford different maryjanes. like the patent leather ones with the cut-outs and extra inch in front just to make you seem bigger than actual size, and more important to more people than just what you mean to that boy. but you still feel like such a regular, and the only hope you have left at the end of the day is that he believes what you say. something about november and my october withdrawals... something so dark in my thinking. but i haven't been able to help it lately. dumped three times in a row... clinging to my cat in case he gets any ideas, juju __________________________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? HotJobs - Search new jobs daily now http://hotjobs.yahoo.com/ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+